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November 27, 2008

My Pre-Thanksgiving event.....part 1


Oh, some things should be so easy, but then there is reality. My reality.
I run like a madwoman to leave my house in time to meet up with girlfriends on the East coast.
We are to meet at a bar/restaurant near the stadium to see Madonna.
I am 10 minutes late and am freaking out. I loathe to be late. I loathe to make people wait for me.
I call the friends...."Oh, we are stuck in horrible traffic. We are running really late."
An hour later...." we got lost. We are still going to be another 45 minutes. "
I am thinking to myself, I could have had a NAP. OR I could have done some pre-thanksgiving cooking, darnit.
At this point, I have eaten an entire bag of dirty chips. (Soon to find out this is MY DINNER)
I have been approached by a very large man who only wanted to say: "happy holidays and by the way, he is down on his luck". Yes, I am sitting alone in my car in a parking lot.
I decide to go into bar and have a glass of wine.
Friends who are picking me up, are driving us to the stadium and I will have hours before I have to drive again.
I am completely uncomfortable in a bar. by myself. I sit at the bar. I realize every person in this bar knows each other. and the bartender. they are all bff's. awkward.
I order a glass of wine.
A few moments later a small, older man approaches me. He came from about 6 bar stools down. I am ready for him to 1) hit on me or 2) ask for money.
He does neither.
Herein lies the best sentence/phrase in the history of the world.
I bet a million bucks that NO ONE has had this said to them before. It is forever etched into my brain.....
He says to me:
"Excuse me miss, but you look like you can read"

It took a second for me to digest this information.
I say, why yes, I can read. ( I may have puffed up my chest too, not sure)
......I am so proud to say this out loud, finally some of those school skills are paying off.
He then hands me his bar tab and asks what the total is.
I tell him $9.53.
He thanks me and proceeds to walk back to his bar stool.

Many thoughts are running through my brain now.
1)Wow, I look smart.
2)Wow, all the people between he and I look dumb.
3)Wow, he did not even need me to read words, just numbers.
4)Wow, why the hey am I sitting in a bar by myself the night before Thanksgiving.

Oh, to gather my thoughts for part 2 include
crazy friend of a friend/driver & the police, the seat moocher, and coming home at 3:10 Am

17 comments:

  1. Thank goodness you took your mad reading skillz to the bar with you! Bwahahahaha!

    PLEASE post the rest of the story ASAP!!! I'm having the family over tomorrow to celebrate turkey day......I MUST know before they arrive....I'll be up at 6 to cook the turkey:)

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  2. Okay, first of all, dirty chips? Why were they dirty?

    And second of all, this post cracked me up! Especially the part about being able to read.

    This was truly funny! Can't wait for part two.

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  3. Too funny! I can't wait for the next installment!

    You should've invited me... then you wouldn't have had to sit in the bar alone. And be harassed by that man! HAHA.

    I always did think you looked smart...

    =)

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  4. LOL! LMAO! Only YOU, Suzanne! This is hilarious! I really think you should have a camera crew follow you around.... the footage would make a HILARIOUS reality TV show (I'm serious!) This is honestly one of the funniest blog posts I've ever read!

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  5. I hope part II is better than part I...with a cherry on top and I hope the cop was cute.

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  6. You've been given a HUGE compliment... Hubster came upstairs to see why I was laughing so hard... I, of course, had him read this post and he said "This is the funniest 'Blog Thing' I've ever read". (Needless to say, he doesn't "get" the subtle humor in the blog world... but he DOES think you're hilarious and he LOVED this!) :-)

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  7. My thought - if he couldn't read, how did he even have enough money to pay the bar tab?? Is it possible to survive in this world without being able to read?!?

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  8. I'm betting he forgot his reading glasses. I love that you (may have) puffed your chest out. Part 2 soon please!

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  9. That is so funny. Happy belated Thanksgiving!

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  10. ha ha.
    i think i would have come to the same conclusion as that very observant man having seen your photo. you DO look like a woman who can read.
    you just have that vibe.
    LOL
    and now, part 2??

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  11. I'm with Jason - what in the world are "dirty chips?!" I'm hoping they're like dirty rice, which I LOVE!

    I have a feeling that the sweet old man couldn't see what his bill said, not that he couldn't "read" it. I keep a pair of my reading glasses at the bar now because I've had so many people tell me they can't read their charge card slips. (Neither can I sometimes, which is why I had the glasses there in the first place!)

    I can NOT wait for Part 2 of this saga. The police?! Egads!

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  12. I don't like sitting in bars by myself either so have rarely done it. For the reasons you have mentioned. At least you know you look smart...I always thought you looked smart...lol...now I have been told that I am a smart ass, but I don't think that's quite the same as being smart...lol! I am looking forward to hearing the rest of the story of your eventful night.

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  13. ROTFLMAO!! I know all about the dirty chips, girl... aren't they the best though? "for those occasions"... we call KFC "dirty bird", by the way. Ick.

    Now that bar story is just about the best one I've ever heard - I should draft an award just for you! OMG! That'll make some keen storytelling at the dinner table for years to come...

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  14. You guys are too funny....He MAY have not been able to see the numbers/letters, but I am going with he could not read as opposed to he could not see. :)
    hint, hint Grandma J, the cop? NOT attractive and NOT male. Go figure.

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  15. BAHAHAHA! Was that a pick up line?
    I'm looking forward to part 2 too!

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  16. I didn't see that coming at all! Great pick-up line..haha...

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  17. aaaaaaaahahahahahahaaa oh this is too funny!

    ok, i'm with the others..what on earth are dirty chips?!

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