September 30, 2011

It's Hip To Be Square.

Ya'll cracked me up yesterday with those comments about my bedroom.

If that got you excited, wait till you see my clean/organized junk drawer. 
Hold on. Here it is. 

Ok, perhaps ONLY I get excited by an organized junk drawer?? Ironically, as I tried to put the drawer back into the cabinet I broke the drawer holder thingy....If only I knew a good cabinet guy. *snicker*

I was reading some fun factoids on Stumble upon the other day. (this is a big time suck, so only venture if you want to waste the rest of your day)

  • Recycling one glass jar saves enough energy to watch TV for 3 hours. Put that in your pipe and don't smoke it. In case you live under a rock, smoking kills, but recycling will get you to the front of the line at the pearly gates!!!

  • In Japan, you can actually purchase a Square watermelon. This adds to my organizing delight. Stackable! I finally found a reason to move to Japan. Besides all the Hello Kitty stuff. Or is that China? Same diff.

  • Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles. And if I found out there was also NO spiders, I would be purchasing winter garb and packing my bags.

  • One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television. I've been on TV once (with Burt Reynolds). Still waiting for my appearance on COPS or the Real Housewives of nowheresville. Whichever comes first. 

How many times have you been on TV??? 

Wishing you all a beautiful, clutter-free, non-smoking, arrest free weekend!!! Or at least make that your goal. 

September 28, 2011

Sleeping With Dogs.

Where there is order, there is joy.

Animals are funny. 

Cocoa and Ozzie have their own beds in our bedroom. If they had it their way, they would be on the king sized love-bed with us. But I do have some say in this house. Just some.
See Cocoa on the back bed? 

That is HER bed. She declared this a long time ago.
See Ozzie on the front (and bigger) bed? Cocoa declared this HIS bed a long time ago. 

Ozzie has not a chance. 

On some evenings Ozzie forgets is place. He will blindly go to the back bed and settle in for the night. Shortly after, Cocoa will come and realize that her brother is once again a nit~wit.

She will stand in the doorway for a minute or two and just stare at him. 
When this results in no movement on his part, then she will move closer and stand about a foot from him and give him the stink eye. 
Still, he like so many others of his gender, does not get the hint. 
This is where I intervene. {what else do I have to do?}

I say: Ozzie!
he jumps to my call.
I say: Move! C'mon, MOVE. 

He picks up his sad face...looks around and wonders what the heck he missed now. 
He moves the 12 inches to the next bed, settles down with a big sigh and continues with his sleep.

She goes to her throne bed.  

And my bed remains hair-free.

And all is right in the world again. 

The end. 

Who rules your roost?? male or female??

September 27, 2011

Only You Can Change Our Destiny. Or Not.

Remember last week when I had thoughts of running over Slow teenagers {not SLOW teenagers...slowly walking teenagers}

Well, here is food for thought:

Crazy funny. At first you think you are learning something important, then you realize you are really learning something important.

P.S. Has anyone ever died from a canker sore? If you don't hear from me in a few days, that is the reason for my demise. and NO. I am.not.dramatic.

September 26, 2011

"Only Ugly Girls Need Pretty Dresses."

That is what my Maternal Grandmother used to tell my Mom and Aunt when they were little girls.  It made the fact that they could not afford new or fancy dresses easier to swallow. 

I could save myself some moolah with this advice...but I don't. So what if we eat canned corn this week?

Homecoming 2011

She had a blast!!
But after a week full of student government activities, homecoming week, prepping for the homecoming dance, a pep rally, the Friday night game and the dance on Saturday...she was wiped out on Sunday.
She was a couch/bed potato all know, like a real teenager. 

Her sweet college sister came home for the weekend....we love having her home.
On Sunday she was doing gobs of laundry. 
She disappeared for a long time and I went and checked on her, this is what I found. 

Domesticity is exhausting. 

She wasn't even talking on the phone...just laying there, her head propped on the laundry basket reading. 

I'll admit that I have napped in the coat closet next to my vacuum before. 
Only because I could not fit in the dryer. 

And then she worked up the energy to try out a new nail technique. 

You know how we don't like to get newspaper print on our fingers? Well Lo put it on her nails. Intentionally. 

The writing is on the nail. But I can't read it. 

So, how was your weekend???? 
Ours was full of good people and fun...and the Coach and I even had a movie night!! 
{Money ball is great, but super long!}

p.s. I loathe canned corn, so we'll just say that this week we are fasting


September 23, 2011

I'm Just Not That Talented.

I'm not afraid of Muslims, tea partiers, socialists, immigrants gun owners or gay people....But I am kinda scared of spiders.   ~ Random magnet found in Vegas

Truthfully, I am terrified of *large spiders. They can actually cause me to have a conniption fit, a hissy fit and a seizure at the same time. 
A sight worthy of you-tube's greatest hits. 
And surprisingly it is also a good cardio workout for me. 

*large is defined as my thumb nail and bigger.

A funny moment that happened yesterday, and since it happened in the bathroom, it is worthy of sharing with you, my close and personal friends. 

I went into my bathroom and I piddled. Like I do. Don't act like you don't.
 When I went to flush, I noticed a smallish spider in the toilet. 

Three thoughts went through my head; in this order:

1. Oh my Buddha, I pee'd a spider!!! 

2. I wonder if Web MD has any information on this.

3. Oh, duh, I forgot I snapped him up earlier and sacrificed him to the porcelain Gods.

Yeah, I always go with the reasonable thoughts first. 

Aren't you glad I included the links to my fits? Just in case you didn't know what they were, I think hissy fit might be a southern thang. And it really looks the same as a conniption, but with a sweet accent as I am screaming my head off. 

I hope you all have a lovely weekend minus any fits or spiders. 
We have our homecoming dance on Saturday! I am so excited!! Oh, wait, never mind....I'm not going. 


September 20, 2011

Letting Go Of My Aggression.

I stopped my car and I waved the group of teenagers across the mall parking area, they stared blankly at me as they sauntered sloooowwwwly in front of my car.

It appeared that they were walking as slow as they possibly could without falling over.

The nerve.

So, I did what any sane person would do. I hit the gas pedal as hard as I could and I ran them over swiftly.

Bam. just like that.

Ok, I fantasized the running over part. 

Yes, It felt good.

September 19, 2011

I Think To Myself

When I see someone NOT wearing a seatbelt, I think to myself: ignoramus.

When I see guys with their pants hanging way down on their rumpus, I think to myself:  Dude, you look like an idiot.

When I see girls with their bits and pieces hanging out of their clothes, I think to myself: Where were your parents when you left the house?

When I see someone with crap strewed all over their yard, I think to myself: Imagine what the inside looks like.

When I see Mothers yanking their kids by the arms and yelling at them, I think to myself: Someone needs to break that cycle.

When I see a homeless person, I think to myself: You poor soul, how did you get here?

When I saw someone buying beef at the dollar store, I thought to myself: Don't invite ME to dinner!

Thinking exhausts me...not my favorite sport.

Share some sights and thoughts with me. I did.  

September 16, 2011

The Goose Drank My Wine!

Yesterday I was most productive. One of those days where I didn't HAVE to leave the house...which means, the house was my beyotch.  {is it bad that I cuss so much?} I got loads of stuff accomplished. 
Straightening, weeding, organizing, laundry, vacuuming, dusting. 
I should have dusted sooner.

bonus: I even showered. 

Somewhere in the afternoon as I was making my 47th trek from the back of the house to the front, this hit me  and it would not leave my brain until I spewed it from my lips:

3, 6, 9.....
The goose drank wine, The monkey chewed tobacco on the streetcar line, The line broke, the monkey got choked And they all went to heaven in a little rowboat.


I sing-songed the lyrics OUT LOUD and then I looked around and said: Wha...wha...wha???

And the dogs just stared at me. like they do. 

Where did that come from??? I have no idea. But I want this to be stuck in your head too.

This song came out two years before I was even born. There I go, bragging again. 

I really don't know how people made music back then...what, with NO auto tune??? *snicker snicker*

She said clap so many times in that song that I started a round of antibiotics. And you should too. 

Shirley Ellis is also the artist that came up with that catchy song The Name Game!

I was never good at the name game...Suzanne! Suzanne bo nuzanne fanna fo fuzanne fee fy mo ho fo....blah blah blah...yada yada yada...

Do you remember either of these songs?? Do you think Shirley somehow penetrated my brain yesterday? Of course she did...I just wish she sent me winning lotto numbers instead of song lyrics. 

Shirley had it going on.
So, what have you got going on???
Nothing too exciting around these parts, and that is just the way I like it!!!

clap. clap. 

September 14, 2011

On Bloggers Blogging. Or not really.

Two things:

I glanced at my stats the other day and I noticed that: 

{1} I have the same amount of readers, but comments are way down. {I may jump off a bridge, if I knew where to find a bridge. I will just blame it on the economy & people are too lazy to type these days} is hilarious to see how people DO find this nonsensical blog. 
My favorite search that brought readers here so far: 
Hot Tree hugger Chick. 

Does that mean I have to start wearing unattractive shoes and hemp clothes?

I don't even know where to purchase hemp.

{2} I have noticed that a lot of great bloggers have jumped ship for blogging's ugly cousin: facebook. 
Yeah, I said it. FB is the ugly cousin and I don't think it's right. FB is not a blog. {although some people can't seem to shut up and treat it like a 24/7 blog: I can't sleep. I hate my job. I love starbucks!
I have made the mistake of friending some peeps who have diarrhea of the mouth. 
OY vey. 
Stick a sock in it, eh?

ps. None of the peeps that read this are the diarrhea peeps, they are too busy POSTING (every 4 minutes)on FB to read  this.

Anything getting on your nerves lately? 

If it seems like I am a crabapple today, it is only because I didn't get enough sleep & I loathe starbucks, but I LOVE my job!!!! :)

Have a great day,
Hot tree hugger chick Suz. 

September 12, 2011

The party is over.

I can't drag out my birthday for more than 2 days like I used to. 
I know; injustice.

I am playing catchup today...or am I playing catch-up or ketchup? I dunno anymore. You know I have been playing Words With Friends for a while on my phone. 
{I am getting better, but I still kinda stink}
My MIL gave me a cool game for my birthday {along with wine} bananagrams.

Lolo and I played about 15 rounds yesterday. 
{I must say that I won most of them...why I MUST say it I don't know.} 

Yes, I can spell complicated words like pickel without spellcheck. 
oops. I just realized I did not spell pickle correctly. Oh well. Lo did not notice this...I hope she learns something in college. 

Surely I only won because I did not mix the wine with the game.  Or perhaps I won because Lo did not check my spelling. 
Again, she'd better wise up in college. 
Oh snap, I forgot to tell her not to take any wooden nickels.  

My other MIL and FIL drove 2 1/2 hours to deliver my birthday gift and fresh baked cookies...had a little visit with us and then drove back home. 
I know. They are incredible people...I will share this unique and cool gift later. I am trying to figure out where to put it.
The cookies will not be shared 

And of course, we had two full days with this cute little man. Such a joy.

I asked very nicely if I could have him. His selfish parents declined my offer. 
Next time, I won't even ask.

His second birthday will be later this week...I could not resist a lil' party for him. 

See those Sesame Street figures on top of that bakery purchased cake? {I could not get my act together to bake one myself}

Would you believe those are from a cake Lolo had a long time ago...maybe when she was 2 or 3? Yes, I save all the silly cake toppings and we re-use them. 
No, I am not a hoarder. I am a saver. 
I have name it, I got it.

So, this almost 2 year old loves him some Sesame street. Since my cake toppers are SO old...they don't include one of the most popular SS characters. 
And it took the little man about 4 seconds to ask: Elmo???

 Can you believe he did NOT like the cake. We tried to force him, but he was not having it. This kid only eats fruit, veggies and whole wheat such and such. 
NO sweets. 
I don't know about parents these is he ever going to know what a sugar high is?

The girls loved playing with him...and I think he likes them more than me. But they did not think of purchasing a balloon for him...I did. Buying kids things should bring me love. Right?
 Don't you love Banyan trees? If I had on better shoes, I would have climbed this one. Next time.

We had a great weekend and I already feel like I am 45...not 44. Going to double check my birth certificate, my Mom lies about her age, why not mine?

Did you have a good weekend??? 
Like Elmo says: sharing is caring.

September 09, 2011

We're Gonna Party Like It's 1967!

{minus the racism, chauvinism and plaid wide legged pants}

SOMEONE is having a birthday on Saturday.

I won't mention any names....but SOMEONE is turning FORTY FOUR. 
And she is NOT happy about getting OLDER. 
But she is thankful to still be ALIVE at 
FORTY {freakin'} FOUR. 

And to make shopping for SOMEONE easier, SOMEONE is registered at her two favorite stores;
Target and Tiffany.

Yes, SOMEONE is always thinking about others. 
SOMEONE finds this to be exhausting.

HEY, guess who used to be super cute and always had messy hair? (no matter how hard her Mama tried!)

 Hey, guess who used to have a 'tude...
{you would have been peeved too if you only got an old lady doll and a three wheeled bike for Christmas. The pile on the right is my Brothers. I swear}
Hands on the hips much??? 
Yeah,  SOMEONE still rocks that 'tude. And her hair is still somewhat messy. What of it???

Unless you are from another planet (Does Mork from Ork read this?) you figured out SOMEONE is moi.

Does it make you feel weird when I speak French? Yeah, me too. I don't even like French food.  
Unless French fries are in fact, French.

I have the privilege of sharing my birthday weekend with some good friends and a lil' boy who is  stealing my thunder because it is his SECOND birthday!!!
 Yeah, way too much cuteness to be contained.

I will only have my thunder stolen by a cute lil' man.
I won't even demand a nap or cake. 

I hope YOU have a beautiful weekend...and hey, have a good meal or a glass bottle of wine in my honor.

And please, for the love of all things shiny, sparkly and unicorn-ish~~~~recycle that bottle!!!!

I changed my mind on that nap. I am already tired of being 40-something. 
And I want cake. 

I really need to know...

Would you rather be 44 or 24???

Really? why???

     **My heartfelt thoughts and prayers to those good folks in the North East dealing with floods. Bee safe.**

September 06, 2011

Birthdays and De-Flowering.

Happy Tuesday ya'll. Although it feels like Monday. Do you know that all day on Sunday I thought it was Saturday? 
You too? 
Oh, you were just nodding your head to make me feel better about my lack of knowing what day it is. 
Thanks for that. 
I hope everyone had a nice weekend. 

 Lo came home for most of the weekend, it was nice to have all four of us here together. 
 {although she left on Sunday night and did not really have to leave until Monday, so I am pretty sure she is already part of some college gang or wacked out on drugs ...Just a guess though.}
We watched a few movies and just 'hung out.' Like regular folks...hey, it isn't always glitz and glamour around here.
Well, it mostly is...but you know, I am trying to keep it real with you...I need to fit in. 

Guess who is having a birthday today???? 
I'll give you a hint: It is a canine. 

For you slower folks, I will give you TWO guesses. 
Oh, never mind...

Cocoa is turning SEVEN!

Of course, she doesn't know TODAY is her her mind, every day is a party!
Even though she loves the Coach way more than she loves me, I still want to chew her face off. 

Cocoa is the reason I am a 'dog person'. 
She {and Ozzie} are also the reason we have less money than we used to.

Oh, and for the MOST important news:
I am no longer a Hobby Lobby virgin. 
Dawn and I visited the much eluded store. We had a blast. And if you ask the employees other shoppers....well, we had too much fun. 
They can't really kick you out for laughing and having a good time. can they?

Now, if only there was a Trader Joe's within my driving range.

I have shared with you, now it is your turn. What did you do this weekend???

September 02, 2011

Irony And The Blondest Moment Ever.

I recently signed up to be a paperless customer with Verizon. {this is the second time} and don't you know...they sent me an envelope full of PAPER in the MAIL to thank me for being PAPERLESS. 

I had our 'bug guy' here recently. I won't scare the poop heck out of you with what our bug issue was, but it was an 'outside issue' at least. While I was talking to the 'bug guy' 'splaining our bug  issue, a BUG crawled across his chest. 
{Not my bug, he brought this one...I know MY bugs} 
I swatted it off his chest.

I'll be sending him an invoice this week.


Linds and I were on our way home from school the other day; she is driving. We are on our street and almost home. {By now, I was so ready for sedation of some kind, her driving is not getting easier for me} 
She asks me:
 "Why do you think the gas pedal is skinnier than the brake pedal?"
Me: {just let me out of this car already!} "I have no idea honey"

prepare to be shocked

Linds: "Oh, I bet it is for blind people, so they can tell the difference."

I waited about 30 seconds before I gave her the look and the question: 

We barely made it home, she was laughing so hard at herself. 

This is the future, people. Prepare yourself. :)

Actually, this is MY future...she will be in charge of me when I am a little ol' lady. 

Have a great weekend....I hope you find tons of things to laugh about too.