How middle aged women celebrate, my first home invasion and I might have a succulent addiction

You know what is awesome to collect?
Girlfriends.
I traveled a few hours north last weekend to celebrate one of my friends birthdays at a mutual friends house.

Before I tell you how exciting our day/night was, let's reflect on what a buffoon I can be on occasion. 
I've known my friend Michelle for years but had never been to her house. I used the GPS on my phone and just as I entered her neighborhood and saw that I was ALMOST to her house I looked up and saw a home with lots of cars in the driveway. Well, here I am!
I had my arms full and knocked on the front door. No one answered, and dogs were barking. 
Suz's brain: Well, Michelle doesn't have dogs, but maybe her Mom is here with her pups? Why isn't someone opening the door for me? Wait, they must be out back in the pool....just open the door and let yourself in Suz. 
I open the door and immediately three dogs come at me; a greyhound and two little mutts. I see past them to the furnishings and I know immediately this is NOT Michelle's house. 
*Shiza-Minelli* I just did my first home invasion.
I push the 'overly happy to see me' dogs back into the house and shut the door.
As I'm pulling out my phone on the porch looking for Michelle's house number a man opens the door and asks if I need something. 
*I might have shat myself*
I apologized and told him I'm at the wrong house....I said I'm so sorry about opening your door, I'm looking for Michelle's house. 
He said, no worries. 
*phew, he's not a gun-toting, fly off the handle kind of person*
We figured out her house was about 5 down the street. I said to him: "Thanks. Sorry again, it looks like you're having a party here with all the cars in the driveway." 
He said: "No party, I just have a lot of kids."
Oh, my lawd Suzanne, how you've made it 51 years without being murdered is a miracle. 


What did 7 ladies age 41-60 do for a fun time?

We drank wine. Laughed. Sat in the pool. Nibbled. Laughed. Noshed.
And we potted succulents.
Talk about a wild and crazy time-we're just lucky the popo wasn't called on us.

I didn't take as many pictures as I should have, but I was busy laughing. And floating. And drinking.

This one looks like Disney's Ursula. 

I'm also completely inspired to UP my succulent planting game. The plants below are all in my house (inside and out), some new and some old. 

I'm thankful for good friends who love and inspire me and understanding peeps who don't shoot first and ask questions later.
XO

The time I wanted to take down a nurse.

Well, I'd put off my colonoscopy as long as I possibly could. My Dr. was not having any more of my shenanigans, so I finally went to see a suggested gastrologist. I chose a female Dr; I always choose a woman if the circumstances are involving any (or near) my lady parts. Call me crazy, but I'm more comfortable with someone who has similar parts as I do

The pre-op exam was good, the Dr. was pleasant. I was able to schedule my appointment within a week and there was no turning back now. I was given a RX for the prep part. This is a newer one that is being used and I was kind of the guinea pig for my Dr.
Clenpiq
It was all straight forward. I was scheduled for Tuesday morning, so I began my fasting on Monday morning and had the clenpiq at 2pm and 8pm along with tons of water, juice, tea, flavored water, ginger ale, jello and ice pops. The jello and Ice pops were lifesavers and I almost felt like I was having food. Almost.

I stayed home all day. (you'll be very friendly with your commode!) I did a lot of busy stuff to keep my mind off food for most of the day and then I watched some TV later on. At one point I saw a dog food commercial and I thought: "wow, I bet that tastes good"

I did survive. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I'm the type of person whose personality changes (and not for the better) when I'm hungry. I become cranky and lash out at anyone and everyone.
I'd never make it as a homeless person.

The morning of Coach drove me to the appointment. I'd already placed my order with him for an egg sandwich and coffee from Einsteins when he picked me up.

While in the reception area, I used the ladies room one more time to empty my bladder,  even though I'd not had any liquids since 11 the night before.

Then, the nurse/assistant calls me into the pre-op area. Carlos looks over my chart and asks if I'm still having my menstrual cycle or if I'm in menopause. Sadly, I'm still dealing with it. He then said, "Oh, you'll have to give me some urine for a pregnancy test." 
I kind of made a face and said, I might NOT be able to since I just emptied my bladder.
He said he needed only a few drops and for me to just try.
As I'm shutting the door to the restroom I hear another nurse say to him: "Well if someone is having anesthesia, they should ALWAYS know to have a pregnancy test, it goes without saying!" 

I was PISSED!!
HOW DARE SHE? Doesn't she know I'm hangry! 
I'm tired and I'm not thinking about possibly being pregnant at 51!

I was able to produce a small amount, I walked out and handed it to my nurse Carlos and was ready to let the other lady have it, but she was with a patient and I held it in.

As Carlos is taking my blood pressure and my pulse, he asks if I'm nervous because the darn machine was losing it's mind. I told him, I wasn't nervous, but I was PISSED at the other nurse because I heard what she said while I was in the bathroom.
He assured me that she wasn't complaining about me, but she was angry with the receptionist who checked me in, it was her responsibility to let me know I'd need to have a pregnancy test.

Oh.
Gotcha.

Within a minute my heart rate and blood pressure went down and the machine didn't sound like a carnival on Saturday night.

Carlos finished all his questions and next was the Nurse anesthetist; he had a hundred questions for me as well, then he told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.
Me: "This is my first time but I don't think this is how you do it"
I thought he was going to wet his pants.
He then proceeded to tell me I have the biggest set of tonsils he's seen in a long time. He said I had a really nice pair.

Me: "Well, thank you."

You gotta take compliments wherever you can get them. 

I felt fine the rest of the day and everything I ate tasted just a little bit better after not eating for 36 hours. That was a record for me.

Quite possibly the best-tasting Sammy ever. 

I don't have to do this again until I'm 60, but you know I'll try to put it off as long as possible.

Suz at 13

A few days ago my Aunt Trisha stumbled upon these never before seen (by me) photos. She took them when I was around 13 and on a camping weekend with my Aunt and Uncle in Cherry Log, GA.

A few things struck me: 

I was smiling. 

I was cuter than I thought I was; I just thought my Mom HAD to say I was cute. 

My hair wasn't as hideous as I thought it was. (although soon after my Grandma took me to her 'beautician' and gave me an 'easy to take care of look'---Yes, a boys' haircut!) I wanted so badly to have hair like Blair on The Facts Of Life, but instead, I looked more like Tootie. 

The braces. I was SO thankful that I was finally able to get braces; I was a mouthful of crooked, but getting those was a cluster between my Mom, Dad and me living in a different state than my Dad and his insurance. 

That outfit. I had very few clothes; I recall wearing this particular outfit many times during the school week. 

I wish I knew at 13 that it would all work out for me. I'd get the life that I dreamt of having, but didn't think it could be a reality; you know, a functional family life.  

A girl scout leader in the making

I wish I could go back and tell my 13-year-old self to NOT be so hard on myself, I will grow taller than 4'9 and weigh more than a toddler at some point., it's ok to not be a cool kid or even friends with the cool kids.
And that I'll have a slew of quality people in my life who will get me.
It was gonna be more than all right.

Gin in the morning

Sometimes I open my mouth and my Mother pops out.

I noticed about a year ago a dull ache in my right index finger.....within a few months the dull ache was also felt in my right birdie finger. Not that I'd ever shoot a bird.....

It hit me.
This is what arthritis feels like.
*Oh SNAP*

A vision hit me from the past. Actually, the past day was in November of 2009.
The day my Aunt, Uncle and beloved Mother came for Thanksgiving and with them they brought this strange concoction and placed it in my fridge. 
Gin soaked (golden) raisins.

They swore that eating 9 of those raisins daily helped with arthritis pain.

I gave them strange looks and laughed at their apparent senility.

*OLD PEOPLE and their silliness*

Well, lo and behold I am NOW an old silly person myself. I honestly thought that would come much later, but unlike most of my life, it showed up early.

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I believe that 9 gin soaked raisins a day actually diminishes most of my arthritis pain.

The way I know it helps is that when we've traveled (even for a weekend) and I didn't have them daily, the ache was more than dull. My joints crave the gin soaked  raisins.

I'm neither a fan of gin or raisins, but I'm really NOT a fan of aching joints.

Here is the link if you'd like to try this yourself. And no, I'm not intoxicated now or when I ingest them.....the alcohol content is very low. The magic has something to do with the juniper berries used to make gin mixed with the golden raisins. You can do your own research on the web. For me, I know it works.

Thank you Beverly!!

XO

My joints are a' jumping!!

A while ago I was being a big bragger and shared with you my love of Move Free and how it singlehandedly repaired my non functioning shoulder.

Well, a few months ago I noticed that my knees were needing some attention. I actually thought about purchasing a new right knee, but my amazon prime didn't offer them.

I was having serious issues with crouching/squatting down. You know how it's nice to be able to tie your shoe, pet the dog, or pick up something off the floor? yeah, I'm a fan of that too. Well, actually the getting DOWN wasn't the issue….it was the getting back up. I had to use BOTH hands and pull myself back up using a wall, chair, countertop or a human. It wasn't fun and it worried me.
I'm too darn young to feel that darn old.

Two months ago I was at the vitamin store picking up some stuff and I asked the ever so friendly manager if there was something better than the Move Free for my failing knees.
He said: IF you can get past the taste,  THIS IS THE BEST STUFF. 
Joint Vibrance

I have issues with bad tasting stuff….so I wondered; can I get past it?
He said if I didn't like it, I could return it within 30 days for store credit, so I figured I'd give it a try.

Turns out, not so bad tasting at all. I mix a scoop with about 4 oz of OJ, some ice, a couple of ounces of water and 1/2 a banana in our ninja. I even add in my protein powder and some flax seed because that makes me feel super duper good about myself. HA. {it's best absorbed on an empty stomach} You can make up your own concoction-this just works for me because it's easy. I've added apples and strawberries when I feel like fancying things up.

I noticed a difference within 3 weeks. I'm not kidding.
This stuff is magic.

Friday I had my first session with a personal trainer at my old people gym {something I've talked about doing for years} and I was doing squats with weights, lunges with weights, you name it with weights and I had NO ISSUES at all. I was all over that gym like a freakin' ninja toddler. I was absolutely impressed with myself and my new knees.

Ok, my muscles were in majorly bad shape for a few days, but that was to be expected. My joints were/are feeling NO pain.

If you have any joint weakness/issues, I'd give this a try. It's not cheap (about $50 a month) but it has made all the difference in the world for Suzanne!!!

No, I was not compensated for sharing this information with you-I've never been compensated for any of my wonderful advice…see, some things in life ARE free!!!

XOXOX

Shank you very much

Some offenses from those in the general public are deserving of Suz dusting off her shank.


Left lane hanger outers.
I don't care if you are traveling the speed limit or 20 miles OVER the speed limit. If I am behind you, and you are NOT currently passing someone on your right; you are slowing me down.
IT's called the PASSING lane, not the FAST lane.
Move over, so I can pass.
If someone is behind you, just know that you've now created a
"I'm screwing everyone behind me because I refuse to move over lane".


The I'm too busy to click reply
I'm a thoughtful person. If I take photos of you at a party or Christmas or whatever, I will forward those to you via email.  But, is it too much trouble to click reply and type those 8 very difficult words?
I'll give you a hint it starts with T and ends with U! {thank you}
Oh, because hitting reply and Thank you might be exhausting?
Life must be hard for some people on a daily basis.

Ankle bumpers at the grocery store.
Yes, you are correct, my ankles are different from yours; mine have NO feeling whatsoever.
Go on. Bang away person with no depth perception; I can't feel a thing.

Any offenses you'd like to add today?

THE test. Would you OR wouldn't you take it?

A few weeks ago I had my yearly checkup with my lady Dr.
You know, the one who needs to check all my lady parts to make sure I'm healthy.
As she was going through my family history (again. Since I've only been visiting her for 15 years) she commented about my maternal Grandmother's history of breast and ovarian cancer. (It took her life before mine began)
Dr. Lady Dr. asked if I'd like to have a blood test to see if I carry the gene as well.
She said it so casual and explained it was really easy to do and if the test is positive then I can make the decision then to then have a bilateral mastectomy and my ovaries removed.

*Suz smilng at Dr. Lady Dr.

*Suz just realized that Dr. Lady Dr. said something important and it's starting to penetrate her thick skull….

*Suz's brain is taking in the words bilateral mastectomy and something about her ovaries….

*Suz has a lightbulb blaring over her freshly coifed hairdo…

Suz: "OH, THAT TEST???"

Dr. Lady Dr.: "Yes, THAT test. "

Suz: "Sure, why not"

After I left the office, reality hit me.
What if I'm positive for the gene?
What will I do then?
I've never tested positive for anything good or bad. I hate tests!!!

Then I pushed those thoughts to the back of my brain and focused on our impending graduation, family arriving,  party planning yadda yadda yadda……

Dr. Lady Dr. finally called me on Thursday of last week.

I'm negative for the BRCA gene.

Which means, I have the same chances of getting breast & ovarian cancer as someone who doesn't have a family history of it.
Which means something. Well, which means I can still get it.
Which was a huge relief after I hung up the phone with her.
I didn't realize how stressed I was about it until I got the call.

So.
Would you take the test?
Have you?

I feel that with all the technology we should be prepared for whatever we can be prepared for.
Me? If I had tested positive, I'm fairly certain I'd have my bits and pieces removed. Some of them, I'm already done with.

I know it wouldn't  be easy…but I really want to be here for the long haul.
You know….just to annoy my people for as long as I can….because I'm so good at it.
My new tagline: Annoying my people since 1967!

I'd Smack That...

...person who decided to put a non-removable sticker on the mirror/glass that I've purchased. Wish I knew when I purchased that mirror/glass object that I'd need 2 gallons of chemicals to remove it. Holy Chemical overdose.

…person who loves to always share with you the things they *DON'T DO…or *DON'T NEED in their lives. *insert many things here:_____smart phones, TV/cable, dinner out, pretty shoes, name-brand purses, you name it.
Does that make you a better human being? 
No. I just makes you a blabber mouth. {we all know that recycling makes you a better human being!}
Down with the blabber mouth.

…person over 23 doing the selfies. I see them on FB. I see them on Blogs. (baby bump pics are necessary and enjoyable as are photos of your new glasses or 'do) It's one thing for you to update your profile pic, but another to, well, it's only ok to update your profile pic when you get a new hairstyle or specs. That is the law. Don't make me enact a citizens arrest on your butt.

…person who feels the need to take up two or three parking spots….oh wait, I've already covered that. Who fondly remembers my run in with the crack wh*re? Those were the good ol' days!

Wishing you all a great weekend low on chemical overdoses, minus blabber mouths, self involved people and no run-ins with parking lot crack wh*res!

Click here for my latest selfie. 

XOXOXO

Seriously, you clicked?

Gosh, I love you!

Mo blog, mo problems.

I'm throwing this out there hoping that someone smarter than I can help me.

I've had issues the last year with my posts showing up.

I hit publish, and my post will publish but it won't show up on blogger feeds. (The dashboard)

I found that if I set up posts to post to a scheduled time, they would....but only they would post hours after the set time.

Which is fine, so I would set them for 6:00 am and they'd show up around 9:15am, just like a bad employee.

I've tried to adjust everything in my settings to rectify this. My next step is to poke someone in the eye with a spoon. Maybe even a grapefruit spoon. 

I know. Violence doesn't solve problems but it does feel good at the time.

So I guess my real question is this: 

If someone posts a blog and NO ONE reads it, did they really post it?

They eventually show up on Bloglovin' but not everyone uses that yet.
{BTW: how do you know when someone has posted something new?
What feed do you use?}

This was missed by most humans and one alien: My most recent blonde moment

For the life of him, Ozzie can't figure out why this frustrates me.

He works out his frustrations by licking his crotch area...I'm not that talented.

Anyone else suffer from the non-posting of posts?

Should I seek medical help for my non-post traumatic stress? Hmmmm....I wonder if my insurance would cover that. 

Alert the Media!

I realized today that I've turned into my pill popping Mother.

Granted, they are mostly supplements....But that is a lot to swallow, even if half of them are chewable.

Gulp.

I need to start saving up for one of these:

Are you a pill popper chewer too?

XOXO

The sky is the limit.

I've been taking some photography classes for a while. In reality, if there was a remedial class for photography, I would be the homecoming queen for that class.
But finally, it clicked.
Shooting in manual isn't rocket science, but you would have thought it was for me. One of the things that I struggled with most was white balance.
You know, when you take photos inside and everyone looks yellow. I learned this week how to adjust my white balance for different situations. {Setting my custom white balance would have rid everyone of their Jaundice!}
If I had learned this when I first got my baby, I would have embraced manual settings sooner.
And then I played with the sky.
Custom White Balance.

Auto White Balance (AWB)

Tungston setting (makes the blues even bluer)

Surely this isn't as exciting to anyone but me....I'm thrilled to learn this.
(Is that sky gorgeous or what? It only lasted a few minutes, like my Mom says, most good things only last a few minutes.)
I only wished I had some humans around at the time to throw into this sky. I mean, well, you know what I mean.
And then later, my humans came.

What? I dare you to tell her she is NOT a human!

Happy humpday!

My best friend is a Hoe.

 

The Coach brought home a hoe on Friday night.

I am fuming mad that he took so long to do it. If he really cared about me, he would have brought the hoe home sooner.

See this mess???  I needed a HOE.

  

I deserved a hoe.  Or two.

I have been weeding my garden for over  3 weeks…ON MY HANDS AND KNEES. Pulling each individual *&^%$#@%&*(&^% weed.

And THEN, and THEN he tells me I could use a weed hoe.

And really…after all this time, he says it SO NONCHALANTLY.  Like it is a condiment on his sammich.  You know…an afterthought. geeze.

 

I heart my new hoe. I did not even know you existed. 

It works like a dream. A hoe wonderful dream.

 

“Tomatoes, eggplants, red peppers and broccoli~oh my.”

Have you hoed lately?

I am wondering about what other sorts of new helpful objects I am missing out on…my fingers are sore and bloody….is there a gadget to open wine bottles yet?

If you need me, I will be in the garden, hugging my sweet hoe.

 

I know.

 

I know that people come and go in your life, but the truest hearts always stay.

I know that my wrinkles and laugh lines are only going to get deeper.

I know that MY ‘every-day’ HAS to start with a cup of coffee.

I know that my laugh is never EVER going to be subdued.

I know that with all of the bad things that I have encountered in life, I consider myself lucky.

I know that my girls are the best gift I have ever been given.

I know that I will always have some sort of critter in my life to annoy love me. daily. With hair.

I know that I will always appreciate nature.

What do you know?

A re-visit if you will…Who is on the horse with me???

Do you ever go back and see where you were a year ago???

We sometimes forget …forizzle.

Here I was a year ago, doing good promoting green living. I am still doing good, but I have not been pushing the GOOD. And that may be bad.

I may be the demise of the quicker picker upper.

or possibly I exaggerate just a bit.

Since we stopped using these: way back here HERE

and we only use ONE roll of these a month (seriously)

because we only use these:

We keep them on the kitchen table for all meals, snacks and feasts. (I should cut back on the feasting part)

I sincerely apologize to the paper towel/napkin manufacturers for their decline in sales this year.

Not really. Do you think they can sense my sarcasm???

But guess what? By switching to cloth napkins we can save loads of paper (trees) and think of it as ‘less’ in our landfills.

some facts from my Green Book:

On paper towels:

“A decrease in U.S. Household consumption of just THREE rolls per year would save 120,000 tons of waste and $4.1 million in landfill dumping fees.”

On paper napkins:

“If each person used just ONE fewer napkins per day, it would save about 150 million of them from the trash.”

And the washing/water/soap part? Nuttin’ to it. I throw mine in with loads of clothes as we use them. I am not using more water or making extra loads of wash. You can purchase these babies at goodwill/thrift stores, they don’t need to match. REALLY!

If you do this little act of kindness, don’t be shocked when you are wandering around nature one day and a tree reaches out and hugs YOU. Just watch out for the sappy ones. They like to leave their mark on you.

Now about those darn nasty paper plates….don't get me started...I'll share my thoughts on that another day.

“Lots of people, making little changes, can make a big difference.”

Busy Bee Suz

Yes, that is my original quote. :) Don’t hate.

The view from up here is pretty good, pretty good...you know, from my high horse!

I hope A Good Love Story Does NOT Make You Sick.

If it does, get out your barf bag.

 

Today, Coach and I celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary.

Yes, we were toddlers when we got married.

Not.

And they said it would never last.

Whaaaaatttt?

Who said that?

Oh, never mind.

No one said that.

Happy Anniversary to the best boyfriend ever.

 

Had anyone told me years ago that my heart could grow larger and fill itself with MORE and MORE love each year, well I would have called them loco!

Turns out, that loco advice would have been correct.  

It all started on a fateful night in1985…a blind date.

The blind; dating the blind.

Call me lucky.

Call me loved.

Call me lucky to be loved.

(call me skinny back then!)

 

My love.

My heart.

My everything.

Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

Did I make you vomit? I hope not.

We can always use a good love story, right?

By the way, the traditional gift for a 19th wedding anniversary is bronze.

I googled bronze gifts and this little number popped up.

Interesting, right?

I wonder if they make it in the proper size for my Coach.

Now *AND* Later

 

Do you know the real meaning of the candy called Now and Later?

You know, those little sweet squares of destruction deliciousness.

I learned the meaning at age 12, while innocently sitting on the hUMp in the back of my Dad’s blue Mustang.

Now means: enjoy the great taste of the sweet candy NOW.

Later means: Soon you will be at the dentist…’cause back at NOW, you pulled your filling out of your molar with your dang quarter candy.

SHiZa Minelli!

ShitAkE Mushrooms!

The visit to the dentist was not as painful as the verbal lashing from my Dad concerning buying candy and the co$t of dental health. 

If I could have turned back time, I would have kept my quarter in the pocket of my faded brown corduroys where it belonged.

Now and Later, I will neither forget or forgive.