File this under: A Domestic Love Affair.

My Review of the Steam Mop.

Being the domestic goddess that I am, I thought I should share….

Cause you know you NEED to know. Ya' know?

I will admit , I don’t like it.

I LOVE it.

I LOVE HIM!

I got the newest version of the Shark.

I am told that the earlier versions had shorter power cords...this one is perfect. It also has an extra large 'head' for my extra large house.

(bed bath and beyond w/ the 20% off coupon!!)

He is the perfect companion to Rosie.

Rosie comes in and sucks up all the debris and HE steams the nastiness away.

I did not know I needed one of these until I had 2 good friends tell me so.

Yep, I have friends like that. They even tell me if I have pepper in my teeth!!

I used him on the porcelain tile floor and he did a wonderful job. I always felt like I was just mopping my dirt around the tile before…you know, moving it from the tile to the grout. When the dirt hit the grout, it held on for dear life.

This works better. The floors look great.

I have even brought him out for quick clean up jobs. (umm..hello? Dog pee. Thank you lightening storm!)

Works great on the pergo laminate floor in the bedrooms.

I used it last weekend in our bathroom on the to-die-for marble floors…it worked just wonderfully!!!

No cleaners + No chemicals = Awesomeness!!!!

I give it 8 thumbs up!!! (I'm an octopus?)

I will never go back to my old Mop again...ha ha.

** Baby come back...that commercial gets me all the time.

Swiffer my butt!**

**I was not paid to do this review**

I Just wish I had been….

I feel like an UGLY Tomato.

 

Lumpy. bruised. plump. discolored.

That is the way I have been feeling lately.

I can hardly stand to look pictures of myself.

Seeing recent photos always surprises me. Who is that girl? Blah.

I look at pictures from just 3 years ago…aggghhhh….such a difference. 

*sigh*

Pity Party; table of ONE.

***

I plucked off my first ‘edible’ tomato the other day from my farm-ville. (the first ripe one was sacrificed to an insect or two)

I was a bit disappointed upon harvesting him.

Not a beautiful tomato did he make.

I was let down.

And for a moment, I felt sorry for myself and my imperfect tomato.  

*double sigh**

To my amazement, he was beautiful inside.

Red, ripe, juicy.

Nearly perfect.

 

And so edible.

I need to get my priorities straight….I am in need of a swift kick in the butt.

Because things are not going to get prettier on the outside…no matter what. 

I can only work on the inside from here on out….

And maybe, just maybe if some random GIANT comes and plucks me out of my farm-ville…

…Perhaps I may taste like wine ripe and juicy on the inside to him.

 

All the stuff that I wanted to tell you…

And then I condensed it down, for your health.

We had a fantabulous weekend with our East Coast Friends, Don and Kelly.

I love those humans.

Kelly and Suz 2009

We enjoyed good food, good wine, good laughs.

Some running around and some sitting around.

We love their boxers too.

Ozzie and Zack assessing the yard situation.

When they left on Sunday, we were all outside saying our goodbyes. We noticed that Cocoa was nowhere to be found.

HA! Cocoa was trying to sneak a ride home with them….That dog!  

Like they would notice a third boxer when they got home???

Remind me to tell you the story of how I came to fall in love with boxers…I blame it on their dog Zack!

Oh and getting ready for Prom on Saturday…did you know that I forgot about the corsage/boutonniere thing? Luckily, Kelly remembered at around 3:00 on Saturday.

I called Lo and said: “are you supposed to get THE Boyfriend a boutonnière?”

Her reply: What is a boutonnière?

Suz: “a flower you pin on his lapel”

LoLo: “What’s a lapel?”

Suz: speechless.

We popped into a florist, but they were closed. So, we headed to the grocery store….Kelly can “make something out of nothing” and well, she can also make a boutonnière out of a pot of 6$ purple calla lilies.  She is my Martha Stuart MacGyver.

We all need a friend like that.

She also plucked one of my orchid blooms and made a hair accessory for LoLo. Genius!

 

Hey, speaking of friends, Kelly is the one that told me I needed a steam mop…and I got one. Luckily, she did not tell me I needed massive piercings or tattoos.  Dodged that bullet.

Would you like my review/take on the steam mop???? Hmmmm????

Do you have a Martha/MacGyver type friend that you can always count on?

It was just yesterday…

 

That she started rolling around the floor…

This weekend she was rolling dancing up a storm at her Prom!

 

Another milestone checked off her list…that list is just flying through my brain!

They could be in a toothpaste commercial…

 

Can’t forget little sister Linds…

 

After doing hair and make up for LoLo and her friend…this mama was wiped out!

Proud Papa!

A “rarely” seen hug between sisters…I see more unicorns than I see this… 

 

How awesome is it that Cinderella can drive her own chariot…no mice or pumpkins were injured!!!

Happy Birthday Mom. (aka: Grandma Bev)

 

It is my Moms birthday today!!

It seems like it was her big day just this time last year..funny how that happens.

Last year I wrote a great post about all the great things she has accomplished, besides raising awesome kids. (yes, one of those kids was ME)

Most folks were stunned by her gun shooting skills. I won’t go into her driving skills, cause this is supposed to be positive.  (I kid. not)

Happy Birthday Mom!!

Who knew you were a movie star back in the day?

Roses are pink

Violets are blue

You are special

And we love you.

 

Lame?

Ok, here goes another

Roses are red

Daisies are yellow

I wish I could buy

You a rich Latin fellow.

 

Wait, that's not proper.

Replace BUY with FIND.  That is proper.

One more try….

 

Roses are red

Gardenia's are white

I hope you get

Some wine cake tonight.

 

Better?

I am no poet. In case you didn’t know it.

 

Happy birthday to my favorite Mom in the world, from your favorite daughter in the world.

 

Oh, and from your favorite granddaughters, son in law and boxers too.

They all said to tell you: Heeeyyyyyyy!!

Big smooches From FL to GA!!!!

Busy As A Bee…Playing With Rocks.

I have been knee deep in rocks, dirt and plants this week. And add in there all the normal day to day stuff…I am slap-wore-out.

I am not particularly a fan of rocks, but we have them just the same.

The Quarry.  Fred Flintstone would be proud.

 

I prefer mulch. But mulch + pool = gross.

This is one of the areas that I have finished. It looks purty.

Did you ever start out with a small task and you just could not stop..then it ends up being a large ‘undertaking?’   I have been undertook. And I just can’t stop until it is done.

This week has been very busy for me and I have not been a good visitor, sorry. Keep the love.

I had to re-fertilize the entire property this week too. Not fun. And I don’t know for sure it was done properly. again. The fertilizer spreader thingy is a pain in my booty.

We have company coming this weekend, which I am happy about. (boxer partay!)

We LoLo has prom this weekend, which I am happy about.

My laptop died this week, which I am not happy about. Warranty = good. Finding a safe box to mail it back in? darn hard.

Also? I may have lost a lot of recent photos and videos…**tear tear**

Our 2nd freezer pooped out this week. Not happy.

I spent over an hour on the phone with verizon yesterday trying to get Linds a replacement cell phone…uuuggghhhh. Even with a warranty, there is issues. The child might succumb to death without her technology.

It is always something. And never nothing.

I complain…but I know it is all small stuff. Life is full of small stuff that keeps you bugged out some days.  But then, I can wander out and look at my pretty rocks and plants. :0 All is good in the hood.

 

So, how is your week going?

 

  HAPPY EARTH DAY!!!!

Now, go hug a tree, recycle, save a dolphin, compost and vow not to use plastic bags.

 

 

Is there a sign hanging over my head?

 

I complain a little bit about the amount of critters we have. Well, not the dogs, just the rest of them.

Last week, Lindsay’s leopard gecko went to the gecko farm in the sky. RIP our little anorexic friend.

Ironically, on that same day, I was walking in the back yard and I saw a beautiful baby blue parakeet sitting on the fence. Our eyes met and he said to me: Mama!!!!!

I walked towards my new baby and Ozzie realized that HE was not up my butt close enough to me. And as Ozzie closed in on me, he scared my new pet away.

Really, he saved me from a loud chirping, seed dropping cat target pet.

Is there a sign over my head stating: Will take any critter???

Today's critter count:

2 boxers

3 deranged orange tabbies (I am sure they will live to be 100)

1 large and thriving leopard gecko. (6 yrs old)

1 very quiet corn snake; “Freddie the Freeloader.”

14 roaming and unnamed dust bunnies.

I have visions of the girls done with college, married with kids and I will still be buying crickets, mice and cat litter.

Mothers with small children should be warned about the longevity of some critters.

Why couldn’t my children simply ask for a goldfish?

 

Suz; Making Contact

 

I made a leap last week and was fitted with contacts. My dependency on my glasses was getting on my nerves.

And by nerves, I mean I kept taking them off and losing them around the house. I figured I could not lose contacts if they were attached to my eyes. *fingers crossed*

Yippie for leaps in the eyeball industry, they now cater to folks with astigmatism. Like moi.

I have done really good with them. *patting myself on my back*

But some days, it is about 10 tries to get them in. * unpatting my back**

Why in the world is it so hard for ME to control my OWN EYELID?

Like it belongs to someone else… it closes when my finger is almost there.

I can hear my eyelid talking out loud:

“Here comes that little flimsy piece of plastic…here it comes…almost in….almost….now CLOSE EYE!!!!

On the rare occasions when I do get them in on the first try, you would think I had just won a gold medal in synchronized swimming.

On those mornings…I hear the Rocky Theme song “Gonna fly now” playing in my head.

On second thought, perhaps I should update that tune in my head to Rocky 3: Eye of the tiger. 

Rrrrrrrooarrrrr!

Yo, Adrian…

 

Avoiding Agri-Porn, Insects and Kitty Business.

 

I have been a busy bee this week. Can you imagine?

I’ve attempted to tackle some large and small landscaping issues. With a little bit of improvement and a lot of soreness and sweatiness. They go together I suppose. Sweaty and sore. 

I caged the ‘maters. I laughed at the thought of that. Cage them? Like a zoo animal. Well, they were getting a bit rambunctious. At the moment though, they have not displayed any agri-porn tendencies. “tomatoes gone wild” could happen at any moment.  VENT ALLERT: I am irritated as heck. Not as bad as I was with the crack wh*re, but almost. You remember Coach put up that nice green fence around the farmville? Well, apparently that fence does not keep bugs out. Did you know this? Something is invading my romaine lettuce…This could cause someone to go postal I tell ya’….

Ok..enough about that nonsense. I am ripping out some plants from around the pool too. They have been there for 6 years and most of  them have pooped out. Ironically, I have caught all 3 cats doing their ‘business’ in there the last 2 days. Have I mentioned how much I don’t love our cats?

FREE CATS! FREE CATS!

Have a great weekend!!!

Bee pet friendly! Bee a greenie! Bee Happy!!

If given the choice, would you rather spend your days outside working in the yard, or inside working the inside of your home?

An Organic Love Story

 

My good friend, also known as my ‘farming mentor’ often shares with our family the bounty of his harvest.

Last week, he sent a large bag of goodies over….after inspection, I am wondering just what he is fertilizing his garden with. 

Agri-porn

  

Boy carrot meets girl carrot, they fall in love, have babies and meet their demise on my salad plate.

The end.

 

Freedom….SWEET Freedom

She dreamed of having her own set of wheels…Dad’s old pick up truck would have been just fine.

She never dreamt her wheels would be this cute.

Neither did we.

I am thrilled for her. I am thrilled that we could do this for her.

And when I mentioned freedom…I was talking about the Coach and I.

No more running her to school at 6:20am…after school softball practice...picking up the boyfriends...driving to prom.

Ahhhh Freedom.

Having her own wheels doesn't necessarily mean she is going to act normal.

If she thinks about being lazy with her school work… *cue evil laugh here* The new wheels will be mine…All mine.

Faster than a speeding…

 

The coach and I have some miles on our vehicles.

I mentioned the other day that as soon as I hit 123,456, I am going to take a picture. Because I am a nerd like that.

He said, “well, I am almost there.”

The next morning, when he arrived at work, he emailed me this picture taken via his crackberry ‘cause he is a nerd too.

I sent him a reply stating: “Oh man, you beat me!”

Coach’s reply: “I am surprised I could take a pic going 150mph.”

I looked at the photo again, then gasped!!!!

My reply: “I am going to shank you.”

Coach: “You know going 150 mph I would only have 24 seconds total to…recognize mileage-get my phone-snap photo-and, oh, and get back in my lane…”

Apparently, he is a talented speeding nerd.

***

Don’t be alarmed.

His speedometer is broken.

Did I scare you?

He has no idea how fast he was going…as if having a working speedometer ever made a difference.

TGI…Fridays are not all about fun.

I know. That stinks. But fun is what you make. right?

Today…farming, laundry, cleaning, eye exam, food shopping, cleaning.

My glamorous life.

About that situation yesterday…the situation with the Parking lot potty mouth crack wh*re…well, the more I think about it, the more I know I will get revenge.

You see, we live in a big small town which is nearly the same as a small big town…you always end up seeing the same people.

I predict in the near future, I may run over her little Mercedes in my suv. By accident of course. Thank goodness I have good insurance. And I need a new car soon anyway…so it works out for everyone.  That is what you call a win/win. Right?

I kid. I kid.

Speaking of cars and running over stuff…

*Someone* has finally brought up her grades and she is now eligible for a vehicle of her own. It is so sad that her parents are hard a**es and require her to have high grades…even in her AP and honors classes. I know, we are horrible parents. 

We didn’t just give her a car with a bow on it for her 16th last summer…what is this world coming to?

So, there may be a car shopping excursion in the near future. Maybe tomorrow. I am excited for her…she has been working really hard. And she has not joined a gang. yet.

I have not bragged about my farmville in a few weeks…it is looking delish.

My lettuce is going bonkers, the tomatoes are growing like crazy, I have zucchini and squash blooming and even little potato babies coming up. It is practically a zoo out there. Minus the animals.

But I have no clue as to when to harvest this stuff.

Green with envy? Nahhhhhh

I have been doing a lot of trimming down this week…um,not my waist (I wish) but the shrubs and stuff around the property.

Cocoa, pretended to be my helper in the yard….

Yeah, you can only imagine how little much she helps!!!

What’cha doing this weekend?

Farming? Shopping? Taunting people? Running over bad folks?

Whatever you do…please film it!!!!!

The Most Cussing You Will Ever Read From Me.

 

I apologize up front.

I have already told everyone that I am not a cusser.

Most of these were not MY cuss words…but were cuss words thrown AT me.

So…. yesterday I was trying to do some bank business.

Our bank has a small and awkward parking lot. It only has about 15 spots. 

I pull in and there is not a spot to be found.

But, what I did find was some obnoxious arrogant idiot who parked their convertible Mercedes in THREE spots.  THREE. 

This irritates me to my core.

I had to maneuver around the lot…avoiding people trying to get to the drive thru and passing thru…me waiting for a spot to open up.

Finally I got a spot and as I am backing into it, I see this severely skinny, janky looking woman exiting the bank. She looked like she had not enjoyed a meal or a shower in weeks.

I think to myself: “that can’t be her Mercedes, there is no way in heck ”

She appeared to be a party-all-night type girl.

But you know, it isn't nice to judge.  BUT we will do THAT judging in a minute….

Remember how I said I was going to start losing my filter?

Yesterday was step one. I am a non confrontational person..this was a huge step for me.

I got out of my car, heading to the bank, but I made a detour towards the rude parker.

I said to her: “Hey, you park like an idiot”

That was all it took to unleash the meth/crack/crazy woman.

She looked at me with crazy eyes and screamed at me: “What are you the bank parking police?”

Her comeback was pretty funny, and I almost said yes, but I did not have my bank parking police credentials on hand to back it up.

I said: “I am SOMEONE who is trying to park at the bank!”

Apparently the truth makes meth/crack/crazy woman very angry.

She then screamed at me F bombs B bombs and a C bomb.

Don’t you know, one of those F bombs actually hurt me.

Yes, she called me fat.

I was flabbergasted.

I said: “have a nice day crack wh*re” And headed inside.

She was still throwing the F-bombs at me…loudly. 

Apparently, she LIKES confrontation…and yelling in public.

 

Normally I wish for people like this to have lifelong cold sores, but someone beat me to the punch.

I then wished I had some super powers to make all her tires fall off her car and land on her big mouth  right then and there, but apparently I couldn’t make it happen. 

 

Cut to 5 minutes later.

I am inside the bank, talking to my teller guy. And I sense something coming into the building…it feels like, it feels like evil.

It feels like crack wh*re.

I turn around and there she is. My new parking lot potty mouth friend.

uggghhhhh. I thought, the crazy woman has come for me. She wants me to teach her to park and to feed her and to wash her hair for her…NOOOoooooooo

But here is where my superpowers DID come in. This little nugget made my WHOLE day.

She loudly asks everyone in the bank:

“Has anyone seen a set of car keys? I lost my keys!”

Yes. Yes. Yes. Karma strikes again. My day was complete.

I could not make this up. Just perfect.

 

 

Thinking of ordering some of these bumper stickers for times like this…how appropriate.

Don’t you think Idiots need a sign telling them they are idiots?

I want a BABY.

I NEED a baby.

Let me ‘splain myself:  

 

A few weekends ago, while at an out of town tourney, I used my BFF’s big ol’ super duper camera.

My eyes lit up when she pulled it out of the case.

I caressed it’s face.

I coo’ed at it.

I nibbled its…nevermind.

We aptly named it: The Baby.

“Are we bringing the baby?”

“Who is carrying the baby?”

“I want to hold the baby”

You know those cameras that you have to carry around in a special bullet proof bag.

They have different lenses that you can take off and on.

They have a deluxe stroller.

 

A super duper camera like this:

Or this:

 

You have to get a college degree to use one or…

You have to pretend like you know what you are doing.

I pretended I knew what I was doing.

I am a professional pretender. It says so on that plaque on the wall.

I have camera envy. I am Camera crushing.

I am in love.with.a.camera.

I won’t eat or sleep until I covet one for myself.

I am already hungry.

I take back the eating part. 

But then again, if I did get one, how long could I pretend that I knew what I was doing?

Do you pretend to know what you are doing at anytime?

Yesterday, I saw someone pretend to know how to drive.

I still want The Baby.