December 22, 2008

Jesus, Mary and Joseph

A little story for your reading pleasure. And a little bit of history as to why I am a little loco. :)

When I was a kid I would spend a great deal of time with my Grumpy Grandpa.
My Mom's Dad.
Well, I did not call him grumpy to his face. Actually I don't know if I thought he was grumpy back then, but when I grew up and remembered all the things he did and said, he most definitely was grumpy.

He used to call me names like Shaggy dog. (My bangs were too long)

He would make comments about how I ate like a slob and he should just feed me in the bathtub.

He hated cats. He would see cats outside his trailer (yes, I spent a great deal of time in a trailer park) and he would run out with a rag soaked in turpentine and put it on the cats butt to irritate the cat and keep the cat away from his trailer. I seriously don't know why he did not want the cats near his trailer, but whatever......

He thought everyone in the world was lazy except for him. (much like my father)

He taught me how to dip toast into coffee at around age 7.
Years later, this became my breakfast of choice in high school.

He loved his beer and cigarettes.

When my brother died, he came to the funeral. Someone said that he resembled my brother and he said: "oh, I look dead?"

I think he must have been dropped on his head a few times when he was a kid, cause he was just never "right".

My Mom, Aunt and I still talk about how different he was.

He had a few favorite was: arranuts. What he was saying was, "oh, nuts." but it always came out arranuts.
Many years later when I was a teenager and he lived w/ my aunt at the time, we made him a birthday cake. We decorated it with nuts on the top and wrote on it arranuts. cause we are nuts like that.

One of his other favorite phrases was: "Jesus, Mary and Joseph." Whenever he was frustrated or mad, this would come out. Such as the time I was playing in his car in the driveway and I accidentally put the car in neutral and it rolled down the hill and towards his neighbors car.....
I think I got the "Jesus Mary and Joseph" and some choice cuss words too.

anyhoo...... skip to present day.
I suppose my time spent with him had some lingering affects...such as Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

I really did not realize how much I say it.
I don't say it in meanly...more in frustration..... kinda like a, Oh, I forgot to turn on the oven; "Jesus, Mary and Joseph" or Oh, who spilled tea on the counter and did not clean it up; "Jesus, Mary and Joseph"

So the other day, Lindsay and I were at Kohl's. We picked up and purchased a very cute small nativity scene. I really loved it and it was a good price and oh, so lovely. It is one piece all glass and it has only Jesus, Mary and Joseph and a lamb and palm tree.

We buy it. We get in the car.
Lindsay opens up the wrapping and looks at the nativity again, telling me how much she really likes it.
Then out of the blue, she points at it and says loudly and sternly:

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph"
I looked at her and started cracking up.
She sounds just like me. I sound just like Grumpy Grandpa.
The cycle has not been broken. yet.
must. break. cycle.

Anyone else pick up some phrases from your Parents or Grandparents that you are not proud of?


  1. I love this post! I think your grandpa was trying, but probably didn't know how to be funny or communicate with a little girl with shaggy bangs. I used to dip my toast in coffee at my grandparents too. I never told my parents because they wouldn't approve.

    So, now that Lindsay has inherited your saying, will you give her some coffee and toast to make the cycle complete? I love family traditions!!

  2. What a cute story. I think most of us are unaware of all the things we pick up from our parents or grandparents.

  3. LOL! I'm glad that I'm not the only one that has these family skeletons show themselves. I am sure that there are at least a few choice phrases or words that I picked up from my growing up...none that I will share here because of being too vulger...all things I try not to repeat but slip out once in awhile. And then it dawns on me that I am sounding like someone from my past.

  4. I loved this!! I'm SURE I say some of the things my mother did, but I can't think of them right off the bat now. I'll get back with you when I do.

  5. Not really, but every once in a while I open my mouth and out comes my mother. Her voice, her tone, her tude. All of it.

    Maybe I should just start charging her rent for being there...

  6. Oh, my goodness, I could hog INCHES of column space here...How about, "He doesn't know his a** from 25 cents" (or "a hole in the ground"); "Horseshi*t!"; "G**damn now, Honey...;" "G**Dammit, Sweetheart!"
    I think I'd better stop now...Have fun with this; it should be fascinating reading!

  7. What a great post! It reminds me of my family a lot - maybe we're not as strange as I thought :)

    When I was a kid running around and generally creating mayhem, I would inevitably fall or bump into something hard. My Dad would always say, "Is the floor OK?" or "You didn't hurt the ~insert object that was bumped into~ did you????". While it may sound mean, it usually made me laugh and forget about whatever body part I may have bruised. As an adult, I use those same lines whenever I see someone bump into something :)

  8. your grumpy grandpa sounds like a real character. i really enjoyed reading about him. any more stories about the old coot?

  9. Golly Jeepers Suzanne... I must have an old grumpy relative just like yours, since I've heard that saying before: " Jesus, Mary and Joseph"... Isn't that amazing??? I'm really not sure where I have heard it. Maybe it will come to me sometime!!! One of my daddy's sayings was "Fine as Froghair." I always wondered where that came from.. AND just how fine is froghair???? HA HA

  10. I'm confused about the turpentine on the cat's behinds? Grumpy Gramps sounds like quite the odd bird.

  11. I love this post. My dad's father was a grumpy old man at times also especially when he was driving. I remember riding in the car with him and he would get so irritated at all the other drivers. It is a miracle he was not involved in any road rage incidents!

    I am lucky enough to still have two of my grandmothers living. I cannot think so much of sayings as actions that they do! One is a sports fan and the other loves to cook and bake. I love to do all of it! Guess I am continuing the cycle!

  12. My family does the same thing Jill's family did (Did you break my floor?) It always works! My brother took it one step further. Whenever one of our kids would fall and bump their bottoms in any way, he would pick them up, pretend to look in their pants (or actually look!) and say, "Oh no!! There's a big crack in your buttsy!" (We NEVER, EVER used the word "butt" in our family! Far too vulgar, I guess. We still say "buttsy." Weird, I know.)

    There are far too many things I say that came from my parents/family to even try to list. I will, however, share some of our favorites from my grandma. Since she passed away, we try to throw them in conversations whenever we can!! Her favorite thing to say (and usually yell at the Yahtzee dice!) was "Shitass!" She coined the phrase "Hooter" when she was talking about my uncle (her son) who we found out was having an affair. (He and my aunt later divorced) My grammy was talking about the situation, and she says, "I'd like to meet this hooter!" I think she was thinking "whore" or maybe "hooker" but we got hooter!! Now, keep in mind, my grandmother was born and raised in Italy, so not only does that give you a little point of reference, you also have to imagine her saying these things with her accent. My grammy was the BEST!!! I really miss her :(

  13. I love the post.

    My dad left me with many sayings ... none of which I can repeat here.

  14. Jesus, Mary & Joseph, THAT was funny!!!!! I've heard that phrase before, but I'm not sure which one of my upstanding family members used it:)

    No family would be complete without a "character" in the bunch! It also wouldn't be nearly as much fun!!!!!

  15. This was so funny : ). I totally burst out laughing! I loved my Grandmothers SO much. I didn't know my Grandfathers well. One was gone before I was born and the other- Pop - slways just seemed SO old to me. I remember my Grammy taking care of him when I was little. He was nice but he would get apple butter on his face when he ate. I also remember that he liked dippy eggs. I do not remember anything special that I say because of my grandparents but I will keep thinking about it : ).

  16. This is very cute... I never met your Grumpy Gramps... obviously he never came to Atlanta for a visit (or, if he did, you kept him "well hidden").

    As far as me, my Minnesota Mother comes out from time to time... I say things like "uffda" (when I'm picking up something too heavy) and "ish" (if something is gross). Only those from the upper Midwest will "get" that.

  17. My friend's mum used to say- "Jesus Mary Joseph and all the saints". She was a devout Roman Catholic. That's where I heard it. It came out on days of extreme stress.
    Hell's Bells was and is our family favourite in time of tension.
    My grandma had some great sayings too... I will think of them today as I am going about my last minute Christmas jobs... most of them Irish based I think

  18. hi it's me again, C. i cannot baleeve that we have so much in common. you are the ONLY other person i have ever heard of who dips toast in coffee! its comfort food to me. my dad (who wasnt around much then my parents got deevorced when i was 6) used to dip his toast in coffee. and to this day, i still have that when i feel i need comfort food, and it takes me back in time. it connects me to him AND comforts me. had a brief encounter with my moms mother, she died when i was 6 but i have some lovely memories from her. she lived in montreal and we lived in new britain, ct. we would go see her in canada. i remember her in the kitchen cooking, always cooking and wonderful food smells would fill the house.. she had an old iron stove that burned wood to cook the food. she's lift the round plates, drop wood in the hole and light it, then drop the iron plate back down. food tasted so good cooked on that stove. never knew her husband, my grampa. then my dads mom died young and never knew her. but my dads father was a drunk and i remember many times going to the bar to see him. he wasnt cudly at all.
    this comment isnt funny like yours was but i just had to say i am a fellow toast dunker too.!
    my mother would always say when she was mad, "jesus h. christ" and "soooon-of-a-biiiittttccccchh!" said with a sing song tone and it lasted longer the madder she was.those were the popular swear words in my family.... although if she was cleaning and stubbed her toe she would sing every swear word in the book half in english and half in french until there were no more to say. just one long string of verbal abuses of the french and english language. and they had a special order, too. us kids would be laughin as we heard her and if she caught us laughing she got madder and we'd get it with the belt, to of course, more swear words. i think she made some of them up as she went. i had an aunt germaine (in montreal) who was my fave but i was the only one who liked her. she made me laugh but actually she was a hypochondriac and every time we'd go see her she had yet another ailment to display and talk about. she made us look up her nose once and said "can you see the hole in there? huh? huh? can you? huh? my nose has a hole between the 2 sides" well today i know it must of been a deviated septum but back then it was the hole in her nose. she went from dr. to dr. and they knew her and would tell her she was fine and all these ailments were in her head. i think she was just lonely. but i loved her and she was good to me. hey, have you ever dunked a bologna sandwich in hot chocolate? or had sliced apples and/or bananas on toast?


  19. Hey Suz!!! It's your Aunt Debbie's daughter, Heather, all growed up!! I used to love the "Jesus, Mary and Joseph" thing Grandpa used to say. I also remember the "arranuts". One of my faves was "Jesus H. Christ" since Jesus' middle name is of course "Howard" (our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name....) His main lines for me were "you're nothin' but a fart in a gale of wind" and "if you were any slower they'd pull a sheet over your face". Ahhh, the memories - he was just so loving, wasn't he?

    Love ya!!


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