October 16, 2008

I am a good Mother. Yes I am

I had to say that FIRST...
Phrases constantly Repeated (mostly by me) around our house.....

I will shank you.

Are you INSANE?

Let's go, we are going to be late.

Did you brush your teeth?

Have you been shanked lately?

Time to get off the computer.

Am I the only one who knows how to load the dishwasher?

Did you finish your homework?
Did you put it in your backpack?

Who ransacked your room? Didn't you just clean it yesterday?
Girl, I will cut you.
Oh, no you didn't!

I would use a prison bathroom before I would use yours.

Would someone please clean the cat box(s) or I swear, I will send those cats out the front door.
What did you comb your hair with? The leg of a chair?

In case anyone does not know what a shank is: here is the urban dictionary
explanation: "a handmade weapon made out of the only stuff you recieve in prison,
sharpened to perfection. essentially made out of toothbrushes and spoons."

Don't all Mothers threaten to shank their kids? No?
Maybe I watched too many prison moves in the past.
The girls recently learned how to make a shank out of a toothbrush on some crazy show they watched with their Dad. (maybe that is why they leave their toothbrushes out?)
Yes, shank is our most favorite word. Weird, I know.

And still, the Mother of the year Award has not been awarded to me.
I don't know why.....
Now don't get all crazy and go calling the family protective services people...they are much too busy to worry about little ol' me.


  1. Shank...what a cool word. I think I'll adopt it. You don't sound mean to me. My father never asked us to pick up our stuff, he just threw it in the swimming pool. Not only that, but he loved watching us look for our stuff, never telling us what he did.
    Yeah, I'll award you Mother of the Year.

  2. turn yourself in before it's too late.
    just kidding.
    obviously you are a GREAT mother, you care enough to threaten. my style of parental love.

  3. I say about 95% of those things on a daily basis...never heard of shanking anything or anyone though...we put the smackdown around our house. Hopefully child protective services is busy at someone elses house! :)

  4. We use shank too!

    Also, we routinely threaten to shun one another.

  5. You are hilarious...Is the "I will cut you" from "Bon QuiQui at KingBurger?" That is one of my all-time favorite comedy clips. God bless you!

  6. Too funny! I always tell Lex, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!!" Nice, right?

  7. Mrs74 has some classics too. If she ever starts blogging, I will encourage her to write them.

    and to my delight, I've never been awarded Mother of the year either;-)

  8. I' m not a mom but I have been known to talk about kicking my husbands ass!
    My mom had some choice phrases too!
    I call it a maternal prerogative !

  9. I'm adding "I'll Shank You" to my repertoire.

    I like to use "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out", "Don't make me hurt you", and "Lose the attitude"....I could go on for days!!!

  10. You are so funny.... I am laughing out loud... I need to add "shank" to my vocabularly with my children.

    You forgot the question "Did you put on your deodorant yet?"

    I don't have to remind my daughter about that, but what is it about middle school boys and deodorant???! I have to remind him EVERY DAY!

  11. I am totally stealing shank - my kids are no longer afraid of "the Spatula!" (You have to say it like "count Dra-cu-la!") And my personal favorite: "You do and I will rip off your head and spit down your neck." My brother taught me that far his kids have avoided major therapy...

  12. YEAH! I got the license plate before I read your answer!! They are SO much fun, but the OJ one just sent me over the edge!! Have a great weekend:)

  13. How come you are SO funny : ). I am afraid to do a post of the things I say every day. When I am laying in bed at night and replaying my day, almost every night, I think, tomorrow I am going to be kinder and nicer to the ones I love the best, and guess what happens? I am just as mean as ever.... I gotta go shank someone. God bless this weekend!

  14. Mothers tend to have to repeat themselves over and over. Mine was 'I'll break you''
    that means I'll break you of the bad habit, not bones. lol

  15. Does your husband have those girls watching OZ or something? Maybe you need to explain to him there is a difference between OZ and the WIzard of Oz. One appropriate for children, the other, not so much *)
    So funny.


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