April 07, 2009

An Unhealthy Fascination With Convicts

Jail. Prison. Penitentiary. The slammer....The big house...we all know what I am talking about. The BAD PLACE.

Some of the shows Coach tivo's and enjoys watching when he has time:

America's Most Wanted.
Prison break.
Prison Nation.
Solitary Confinement.
(ok, anything with the word prison in it)

If it has to do with Getting IN prison, Getting OUT of prison, or LIVING IN PRISON.
The coach likes it.
The girls like it.
It is weird.

This is why we know too so much about "prison shanks."
My pretty girly shank that Linds made me for Christmas. sweet right?

So a few weeks ago Lo asks me out of the blue: "have you ever been arrested?"
What does a normal mother say to this?
Oh, I mean, what do I say to this? "Not Yet."
and 10 seconds later: "why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason really." (kinda scary, right?)

There is an unusual fascination with convicts in my house. Should I be concerned?

I remember when Lo was about 8 and she was watching an episode of Cops with Dad. (I don't approve of this show for kids...another post for another time)
A woman working in a bar was being arrested.

She was taken outside by the officers into the "daylight"
This lady woman person was dressed like a hooker and was covered in tattoos and piercings. She looked like she has not seen a shower in weeks.
Lo took one look at her and said the scariest thing a mother could hear:
"she is soooooo COOOOLLLLL"

We are not saving for college anymore....We are saving for tattoo removal and bail bonds.

Well, yesterday while I had BOTH girls in the car, Linds asks from the backseat:
"If you had to get arrested, what would it be f....." Before she could even finish the question I blurted out: "Indecent exposure!!!"

Don't ask me why that came to mind so quickly..... The last thing I want is for anyone to see me nekkid. really....but it was funny.
You know I will say almost anything for a laugh.

Then she changed the question:
"If you HAD to get arrested, choose one of these three scenarios:
"Public intoxication(?)..... assault to an officer(??)..... or stabbing your cat"(???)
You can really tell she is MY child, can't you?

I said, "Oh, it would have to be stabbing the cat, can I choose which ONE I have to stab???"

They look menacing, don't they? that is because they ARE!!!

Again, please don't contact PETA. I am not really going to stab the cat. I may accidentally step on a tail if it gets under my foot though....I can't help that.


  1. You never fail to make me laugh. My oldest daughter loved watching those shows as well. However, she IS in the big house now. I think the shows gave her inspiration and ways to figure out how NOT to get caught. The laugh is on her now. OH MY, I wonder if she's been on any of them! lol

  2. LOL We pass a sign on the way to the IL's...

    "Warning: Hitchhikers may be escaped convicts!"


    Your girls would probably want to stop the car for a family photo with it! LOL

  3. i would choose indecent exsposure too!! hehe i really don't care if anyone sees me naked and it would make for a very funny story

    p.s you have upset the crazy cat lady, the idea of stabbing a precious cat makes me want to throw up!!! haha

  4. Oh Suz, you are so the girly prison shank.

  5. *shudder*

    Tried to watch Lockdown and it's just sooo violent and depressing, I just couldn't get through a whole show.

    Your fambly has nerves of steel! LOL!

  6. eric is off today...but if you can come up with something good, i'll send him on over wednesday! as a bonus, the prison in our town probably serves your favorite beverage: arnold palmers :)

    thanks for the laughs this morning!!! got that mulch spread yet???

  7. I have a thing about forensic shows. Vol Fan is getting nervous.....

  8. LOL There are fans of Prison Break in this house too. I think you have invented a new travel game. If you had to be arrested would it be for.... Too funny!

  9. You are too funny...thanks for making me laugh!

  10. LOL
    I have a fasination with the show "Snapped".
    those ladies are nuts! Of course my husband always wants to know why I am watching it. Maybe that's why he's always so nice to me.

  11. What? No pink handcuffs?

    Yeah, the cat would be my choice. Nothing against cats, but my allergies might act up and then I'd have no choice. I mean who knows what happens when allergies kick up.

    My oldest daughter loved all those prison shows too.

  12. You are so funny, and it looks as if your girls are following in your humorous footsteps.
    I don't understand the fascination with those shows, either, but it seems better to watch it on TV, than satisfy that curiosity in real life.
    I CAN understand being mad at a cat! But there is something about that purring "motor" that makes me forgive all.

  13. You get funnier, and funnier, and funnier my darling friend!

    We are off on ADVENTURES today with Flat Caroline! It's 38 degrees here (ridiculous) so we're bundling her up and taking her.... somewhere.... :)

    Ron likes those crazy prison shows too. I think there's plenty of comedy in "Cops" (PLENTY of "you might be a redneck if" material), but I don't care for the others. Although I must say that I think what John Walsh has done is wonderful.... his show has caught a LOT of bad guys!

  14. Oh, and "stabbing the cats"???!!! Hilarious!
    (esp with the photo of the "menacing" felines.) :)

  15. BUT you write so well that I'm certain you'll get a best-selling memoir out of their prison time.

  16. You are SO funny! OH MY GOSH! I just laughed so hard. Indecent exposure? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I would love for you to get arrested just for that so you could write a good post about it. Come on, start thinking of your plan right now, K?

  17. Oh you are so funny! I think I might be worried if I were you!

    Now I cannot get the silly song "Bad boys, bad boys whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do when they come for you" out of my head!

    For some reason I still go back to that barbie doll that the girls dressed up!

  18. You are so cute! I had to laugh because Nalley and my brother are serious about bad guys too! They watch the same reruns over and over.

  19. Stabbing your cat... funny. And I guess I'm jumping on your weird bandwagon because I LOVE Lockdown. I will watch it all day when I am lucky enough to catch a marathon. Shanks, ah yes... know them all too well. Melted down toothbrush with a razor anyone?

  20. I think you outdid yourself with this post! Maybe it's a good thing we don't watch many of those prison shows.

  21. I don't know what it is about Forensic shows.. My best friend's hubby watches all of the same ones. George and I watch alot of crime drama (which is probably worse)... ha.. We watch Criminal Minds, all of the Law and Order's, all of the CSI's, etc...

    I guess why you and Coach are 'doing' the crimes, we'll be in charge of putting you in jail!!!! har har har

    Have a great day, you Cat Stabber you!!!!!

  22. Do the cats know "they" were your first pick? Alerting the media: Potential Cat Stabber on the Loose in Florida ;)

  23. Lol! Hide the knives! Run kitties, run!!!

  24.'s not unusual for a student to tell me a parent is in jail....but the weirdest was when a 2nd grader told me that he was abset the day before because they all went to jail to see his mom get married....and he said his mom and new step dad "got to kiss through the glass!" I think step dad did more than stab a cat!

  25. suz: when you go to jail for shanking the cat or indecent exposure or public intoxication or even ALL three i'll send you a cake with a file in it.
    always wanted to do that.
    or i'll help you tunnel out.

  26. I cannot decide who is funnier - you or your girls! Hilarious.

  27. Thanks for the laugh! I love it! (Poor kitty cat) :) As for the prison shows - Kenyon loves them too. I can watch most of them - except America's Most Wanted - it really freaks me out!!

  28. I can alwys count on you to make me laugh!

  29. Just don't let them watch Oz on HBO ever. They'll be last to you forever.

  30. OMG you are so funny! here, we like forensic stuff. and cold case files.
    if you happen to accidently fall and accidently shank your cat, i too will send you good foods with get out of jail free cards from my monopoly game.
    i promise.


  31. I need to ask if when you have the family photo made if it's both full facial and profile views?

  32. I think we find lifestyles that are foreign to us interesting.

    Which is probably why I've watched so many cooking shows.

  33. thank god mine are too young to think these things are cool. So if you are technically saving for tattoo removal, can you still put it into one of those college saving bonds, I think they are like 450 or 5 somethings, I saw them on Suze orman, or would you get penalized for using the funds for bail? You could call it the school of hard knocks and not get in trouble though.

  34. You are my daily dose of laughter on my break! HA HA HA :) Keep the good posts coming! Your house soudns like a riot! Can I come and visit?!


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