I started this post a few weeks ago when we were living our ordinarily boring days. *sigh*
We converted the girls' playroom to Coach's home office.
It's all finished aside from a desktop and printer.
I guess that means, it's not 100% finished. I'm a liar.
I ordered the desk, file cabinet (behind desk) rug and a desk chair from Pottery Barn when they were having a spectacular sale. I was hesitant to even order the chair because it seemed so expensive to me, but it looked really timeless and comfortable.
Some of the items were taking forever to come in and then I found out that the chair was going to EVEN more delayed.
Finally, I came to my senses, called and canceled the overpriced chair.
Later, the next day I was at Office Depot picking up some printing and I saw some great chairs there. I almost purchased one for him; then I decided I'd let him choose his own chair. See, I'm nice.
The chairs at OD ranged from $200-$400. Much better prices than PB.
I finagled him to go to Office Depot one evening to shop and he poo-pooed every chair he sat in.
Too small.
Too hard.
Too ugly.
Finally, I asked him where he purchased the office chair that he has in his actual office.
"I ordered it online from Costco about 10 years ago."
Really now.
It goes to show you, we all probably do better with fewer choices in life; that could be a positive spin regarding prison or arranged marriages.
A few weeks later we were in Costco and they had two desk chairs to chose from. Goldilocks Coach tried them both; and decided that the more inexpensive one was the most comfortable.
Y'all it was $99.
We have too many choices in life and it can make it harder. Right?
Like right now, I'd take ONE PLY generic TP given the chance.
Oh, and we still have all the kid's books, toys, and games in the office if the Coach needs to take a break from running our empire company.
So, is anyone making any changes at home?
Well, aside from rationing paper goods and hiding from sick people?
When I was vlogging about my obsession, need, want of the Giant Swallowtails, I assumed everyone knew what they were. Here is what they look like, and they really are large compared to other butterflies. You know size doesn't matter, big, small, tall, thin, they're all beautiful. That was me remembering that butterflies might read this and have body issues.
Underside of the Giant.
And when they want to hide from the butterfly po-po.
Topside of the Giant
It's like they are two different critters when sitting as opposed to flying.
Giant swallowtail butterfly images borrowed from here. They love citrus trees/plants.
Aren't they gorgeous?
I've had some luck with the Eastern black swallowtail; they love parsley, dill, and fennel, which I have growing in the garden.
This boy was released a few weeks ago:
I have to be more diligent in collecting the baby larvae of these because if not, the birds eat them before I can save them.
The birds act like I don't have food for them; the feeder is always full and still, they want to eat caterpillars. Pretty freaking rude if you ask me.
I've released about 25 monarchs this week and I'm going to be forced to slow down because my milkweed can't grow fast enough with the last batch or four of caterpillars.
I've got the whole world in my hand
The world might be falling apart, but here is Suz running around the yard playing with butterflies.
Denial is my favorite place to be. Oh, and Home...home and denial are my favorite places.
Any plans for the weekend? A concert? Shopping at the mall? Moving from the bed to the couch?
XOXO
I don't know about you, but I'm getting loads of stuff done while in prison home.
*looks around at the pigsty we've been living in*
Tuesday had me all: WHAT CAN I CLEAN NOW?
I cleaned my makeup vanity and all my makeup brushes.
*wonders if or when I'll wear makeup again*
I cleaned our glass front doors.
Then I started cleaning the glass doors out towards the lanai and then I wondered why we have SO many glass doors in the first place.
But you know what they say about people who live in glass houses...
Ummm, they go through a lot of Windex.
Cleaning glass/windows is my least favorite chore. Ever.
Then I tackled the refrigerator.
Me, proud of my accomplishment to Coach when he came home: Notice anything different about the fridge?
Him, oblivious to the filth that it was: You gave all our food away?
It really wasn't filthy, it was just regular dirty.
Now, you can literally eat out of our fridge.
*patting myself on the back, cause that right there was pure gold*
I'm getting low on pineapple, creamer, and crackers. I might have to venture OUT THERE in a few days.
Unless I can get my sweet husband to go for me.
Or, I can act like it's the year 2020 and do online order and delivery.
I'd like to see just how long I can go without leaving the confines of our property.
Let's call this a practice test for in-house arrest, just in case, you know, in the future, I might need to do it for real.
I'm not stir crazy yet.
However, I’ve always been crazy.
Waylon Jennings was also pure gold.
My desk, craft table, and entire laundry room are spic and span; it looks like no one lives here and that's how I like it.
{kidding}
{Not kidding}
{Y'all realize I know this is a serious virus and I'm not making light of any of it. I pray for those affected by this and those who are vulnerable to it.} *Please let this pass sooner than later*
What's the weirdest thing you've cleaned this week?
I'm so thankful for a large yard that I can wander around to get some fresh air; it makes me less sassy. Can you imagine?
When I was a kid, both my Dad and his Dad were always (when not working) in the yard; planting, trimming, watering, growing stuff.
I always thought that was just what old people do. And.here.I.am.
Happy Tuesday. So, tacos tonight?
This has nothing to do with the current situation of our planet; I refuse to focus on the insanity.
A few weeks ago I was on the phone with Lolo who was still in the D.C area living and going to school. Does anyone remember a few weeks ago when everything was normal?
Anyhoo, we were on the phone and she was walking her husky Mattis. She lives in a very dense/city area and is frequently asked by people if they can pet her dog. {he's so fluffy!}
I heard a person ask, she replied and then the person said something I hear over and over when someone visits our house and my dogs get excited:
"oh, he/she/it smells my dog on me, that's why they're excited."
Ummmm....I'm pretty sure they're excited because they ARE dogs.
Humans are so predictable and Mattis is so fluffy.
***
I posted my first Vlog on Saturday. It was off the cuff and not very exciting. I had a lot of people view it, but not as many commented, so I'll never do that again.
*takes her bouncy ball, leaves the playground and heads home*
Wait, Linds & Lolo watched/read and said it was funny. But Linds also texted me early Sunday morning to let me know that someone left a really nasty & insulting comment; she tried to delete it before I saw it but wasn't able to. She didn't want my feelings to be hurt. How freaking sweet is that?
I'm sure some of you have been the victim of this "Boomer hater" too. No? He/she went on and on for about four paragraphs how Boomers are ruining the world, how everyone HATES boomers,
Wait, here's an excerpt:
"Do you boomers realize how universally hated you are? There is not one single demographic that does not hate you- white people, black people, asians, mexicans, indians, chinese, millennials, GenX, GenZ. Something tells me that you boomers are not going to have a very comfortable or easy retirement, especially once you end up in the retirement homes."
Aren't Chinese people Asian?
This is the most politically incorrect spam I've received.
This week.
I read it and knew at once it was spam crap and I assured her that it didn't hurt my feelings at all because:
A) I'll most likely NOT end up in a retirement home because I feel like I might die in a vehicle with the Coach driving long before that.
OR
B) I'll die being struck by lightning one clear summer day
(Florida!) while out collecting caterpillars.
AND
I'm not a boomer, I'm Gen X.
Not that I really give two squats about those titles.
Also, I should be doing a lot of squats for the sake of my legs.
Take that you slimy robot with no morals and too much time on your hands!! *As I'm squatting*
***
We had a very quiet weekend. I stayed around the house piddling around the garden/yard, doing some laundry, vacuuming out my silverware drawer (it's a thing now) and watching copious amounts of TV.
The Coach went out on the boat fishing with a friend most of Sunday; the weather has been glorious and it'll be over and back to 99* in a minute so it's best to take advantage now.
FYI: As many times as I've asked him to bring me a pet dolphin from the Gulf, he refuses.
I want this blog to be evidence of the abuse/neglect I live with.
So, anything new and exciting in your life? Did you go to a public place and lick the doorknobs? The handrails?
Sharing is caring.
Well, unless its a virus that causes a pan-freakin-demic.
Happy Saturday.
I never post on the weekends, but I feel like we all need some distractions at this time.
I've also never done a vlog.
This is unprecedented and pretty boring.
Also, I sound very nasally because lately, I am.
Yes, I talk to the butterflies and the bees; they don't mind if I'm especially nasally this weekend.
I mentioned this week that Lindsay's juice bar closed down. They had just received an order of produce so yesterday she and the other peeps had to clear everything out.
She brought over a ton of fresh produce last night, way more than we can ever use. I'm giving a handful to my friend down the street (a family of 6) and keeping just a bit for the two of us.
The rest is going to our friends in Fort Myers who cook and feed the homeless every weekend in a public park.
Don't you love it when a negative can be turned into a positive? That's some good science right there.
Dust off the video button on your smartphone and share part of your day to distract the rest of us. Pleeaaase!!!
The coach and I might run out of TP, but our dogs will be eating well for the next few weeks.
Their food batch is usually bigger than this, but I could not get my hands on any ground turkey (or any poultry) for the last week; so ground beef, eggs, rice and loads of veggies will suffice.
They congregate in the kitchen ( nor more than four of us, I swear!) for the entire prep, cooking and jarring, just waiting to lick the pans.
She's finally satisfied, after licking all five pans and then re-licking them just in case.
***
Lindsay's juice bar officially closed yesterday; she understands, but she's bummed because working is a great distraction. Did you know that my girls read my blog? {Hi Linds!}
Sometimes they'll call me and talk about something I shared on the blog, but not in real life. Such as the recent crazy azz neighbor.
***
I'm sure you haven't slept a wink wondering what I've been up to; get ready to nap.
*Laundry.
*Eating.
*Listening to music.
*Cleaning out some random drawers (did I have to keep every collar of every dog we've ever had?)
*Watching more TV than usual; I'm on a run of Property Brothers right now; they have about 79 different shows and I like them all.
*Eating.
*Judging people on the Facebook.
*Trying to keep all my monarch caterpillars alive and fed.
*Eating.
*Pulling weeds in the garden of weeden.
*Exercising. But not enough to put a dent in the bad eating.
*Cleaning
*Laundry (how many people live here?)
*Eating
*Eating==some of that means drinking wine. You're not new here, you knew that.
***
I was having a conversation with Lolo recently making a comment about human behavior and she suggested that I go into observational humor. {Hi, Lolo!}
I believe she meant as a means to make $.
Then she remembered that is what I have already been doing for my family and I'll never get paid for it. In the words of Debbie Downer: whaaa whaaa whaaaa *** Would you like to know something that I learned this week that I probably should have learned or known about 40 years ago? Do you? Really?
It's kind of silly.....
It's gonna make me look like the facebook people...
The Coach purchased corned beef this past weekend and said he was going to make pastrami.
Me: Wait, how do you make corned beef into pastrami?
Him: You put it in the smoker and voila!
I always kind of wondered what the difference was between pastrami and corned beef; now I know. It only took 52 1/2 years.
FYI: It was good.
But it's not good for you.
But also, I would pair it with a white.
Or a red. Who really cares at this point.
***
They officially closed our beaches yesterday. They most likely wouldn't have had to do that if there weren't a bajillion spring breakers congregating IN close PROXIMITY on the beaches. Ummmm, hello, does anyone understand what social distancing means?
I do wonder about people, but I don't want to wonder too much because I'm not getting paid for it.
So, distract me from any impending doom. What are you up to? Are you vacillating between doom and sunshine?
I still have a lot of faith in our country. I honestly never thought we'd be in this position right now, but I feel we will be on the other side of this in a few weeks. {Praying on bended knee!}
Share your thoughts.
Maybe I'm a bubblehead. Maybe I'm too optimistic.
Hell, maybe I'm on the wine again.
Sharing is caring.
You too Maddie
Bee a sharer.
Bee a carer.
Don't be a downer if you can spar-er. (hey, it rhymed!)
I'm proud to say that I've not lost my marbles. I actually found four the other day.
Yeah, I'm bragging.
I vacillate between everything is hunky dory, then remembering that the sky is falling.
I'm staying at home as much as possible; I'm fortunate to be able to do that.
The Coach has been going to work and our business is going on as normal. Most of our employees are hourly and they need to work to live; if the building industry stops wanting cabinets and countertops, then we will slow down, but right now, that hasn't happened.
The office staff have their own offices or are in cubicles. The peeps doing manual labor in the factory are spread out and not working too closely.
Florida has 195 confirmed cases.
Our county has 7 confirmed cases.
Non-essential stores are closing.
Bars/nightclubs are closed.
You know how much I love a good night club, so this is inconvenient.
(I'm really more of a goodnight, club girl)
***
I was low on my tube of toothpaste the other night and went into my toothpaste storage drawer (separate from my toothbrush/current toothpaste drawer) and realized I was unintentionally hoarding toothpaste.
I felt bad.
If anyone is low on toothpaste, please let me know and I'll share.
***
I'm about to have my own epidemic here at home though. I'm experiencing butterfly-palooza and I have more caterpillars than milkweed. It might get ugly.
A huge potted milkweed plant can go from this:
To this in 24 hours.
{For perspective, the cage is 3ft x 2 ft} You remember that book The Hungry Caterpillar? It was not a piece of fiction.
Monarch caterpillars don't give two sh*ts about social distancing.
But, they do leave me a lot of sh*t to clean up.
I feel like a caterpillar hoarder at this point; there must be 70 of these sweet little shi*t making boogers in my biggest cage right now.
I do have milkweed randomly planted and sprouted throughout the property, but they are also covered with caterpillars.
*sigh* Having lots of butterflies flittering around our yard is a fantastical problem to have.
FYI: We never hoarded any TP, but I'm ok with that as we do have several water hoses around the house.
I'm not above and outdoor bidet.
Bee kind
Bee a nature lover.
Don't bee an intentional hoarder
So, do my friends who live in the computer have anything good to share?
We are not freaking out here, our family isn't freaking out and our friends aren't freaking out.
I asked the Coach this weekend: Are we in denial? Are we the weird ones?
But, we're not in denial that this is happening, and we aren't losing our marbles either; I'm staying home as much as possible because I still have a cough and I really don't want to frighten anyone.
I've stopped watching the news and I'm about done with the Facebook; too much bad information is worse than no information.
The silver lining is that Lolo's classes in VA/D.C are canceled and have moved to online courses for a while. SO, she loaded up Mattis on Friday and drove 5 hours south, spent the night with her future mother-in-law and then drove the next day (over 10 hours) and made it home Saturday night.
When I say home, I mean HER home with Nathan, not our family home where she was nurtured, loved & adored, then grew up and left us. They live just over an hour north of us. Did I share that Nathan is now a detective and he's also part of the bomb squad? Yeah, I'm not thrilled, but I am proud; he's a good egg.
So we scheduled a family dinner at their place for Sunday night. How sweet to have her in the same state and that Linds was off work on Sunday too. We picked up Linds on the way to Lolo's and had a great visit. Lolo made chicken pot pies; they were delish and something I've never made myself.
Good old comfort food. I brought a carrot cake which in conversations surrounding the upcoming wedding and Lolo learning about old-timey wedding traditions we renamed it The Fertility Cake.
Since we all ate some, there will be more busy bee family babies soon.
I'm gonna be a Mom and a Grandma!
***
We finally have some men here working on the leaking/wall/mold issue in Lolo's old bedroom. You might recall that I noticed the wall of mold just as I started my relationship with the flu 5 weeks ago. This was the same week that Callie's health was heading south; so it was a really good time. {she's actually doing fine by the way}
A nice view of my garage
Aside from the drywall and baseboards, we'll have to replace some of the carpet (mold!) and then paint. I'm not a fan of carpet at all, and this room and Lindsay's old room are the only ones that have carpet in them as we updated these rooms top to bottom four years ago; we were in a time crunch, and carpeting was the most timely flooring to put in. *sigh*
Now I need to find a carpet seamer guy. Hey Mr. Carpet man, come seam my carpet.
Thankfully the guys put up a piece of temporary drywall to keep critters out. We already always have more lizards in the house than people, not hoping to have an opossum as well.
It'll all be back to normal. One day.
Homeownership is always full of fun surprises!
I'm really not complaining, it could always be worse. Right?
Our upcoming event/trip to Napa has been postponed. But it's all in the name of public safety so I'll not complain one bit. How's are my people doing? Freaking out? Is everyone's family healthy?
So, I broke down and finally went to the Dr. yesterday. I really didn't want it to get to that point because, and I hope I'm not telling you something you don't know, but all the sick people are at the Doctors office.
My regular Dr stopped taking our insurance, so right now I really don't have a regular.
But I am regular in contrast to the lady I will meet up with in line at CVS.
My friend told me about the Minute Clinic. Have you heard of these? Just a little closet office inside CVS and you're seen by a nurse practitioner. I mean, I wouldn't go there if I fell off the roof while pressure washing and had a bone jutting out of my skin, but for my issue it was sufficient.
I was sure I had a sinus infection and of course, I was right. Sadly, they wouldn't pay ME for the diagnosis, I still had to pay THEM. 'Merica
Anyhoo, I'm on antibiotics, some saline spray, and Flonase. I'm certain I'll be feeling like my normal sassy self in a hot minute.
The day before I had a bunch of errands to run starting with picking up a package at UPS, then Target.
I went into the UPS place and the lady fetched my package for me. Then I had to sign paperwork and this entire time, I needed to cough. I was holding in my cough. Kind of like holding your pee, but you know in my throat.
Finally, package in hand, papers signed and I almost made it to the door when my body wouldn't hold in the cough one more second.
*COUGH*
I'm not kidding when I say a lady 4 feet behind me let out a gasp so big, that I know tons of old UPS germs made a beeline for her respiratory system.
Calm down, people.
After I didn't infect the patrons of the UPS store, I headed to Target for my typical shopping run that I do every 10-14 days. On my list were some various items and apparently a hot ticket item.
No, it wasn't for Tickle Me Elmo.
*cue the dramatic background music*
TOILET PAPER Do you think they had any TP at Target?
Nope. Nada. Not a square to spare.
I sent a family text complaining about the toilet paper and Linds let on that she is always stocked up and she would share, but only a square. My people.
The next day after my visit with the minute clinic Dr inside the CVS closet, I purchased a six-pack of bud toilet paper like a normal human.
There was a lady behind me that had at least 48 rolls of TP.
My tongue was bleeding from me biting it because I wanted to ask if she needed a referral to a gastro specialist or did she want me to help her find the Imodium to assist with her apparent issue,
but on this day apparently, I had self-control.
Having self-control really takes a bite out of my fun.
I'm still very confused by it all and it's the last thing I would think of hoarding. Food? Sure. Medicine? Yeah. Wine? Absofreakinglutely. Toilet paper? Not even on my radar.
If anyone could clarify, please let me know.
Bueller? Bueller?
Last night as I was almost finished with dinner (the chores!)
I said to the Coach, can I still have ice cream if I don't finish my chicken? (I told you I'm 12) Oh, nevermind, we don't have any ice cream.
His response: I'll take you out for ice cream, but you have to stay in the car so you don't scare anyone. My people.
I decided I didn't really want ice cream, although the prospect of having it delivered to the car was appealing.
I already shared two nonsensical posts this week and I was thinking that was enough, but this one's for you, Kari.
*holds bud light up in the air*
Wait, I don't drink beer.
Wishing everyone a healthy weekend doing something fun and by fun, I don't mean hoarding paper products.
One of my soul sisters (Kelly) sent me this video the other day.
We do that, send each other random videos or pics, umm, randomly when we come across them in our phone.
My response was: "No wonder I didn't make the Olympic team, my legs are far from straight."
But I did stick the landing.
This was from my 49th birthday, where we spent a relaxing week on Fort Myers beach.
Oh, to be 49 again.
I know it was only three and a half years ago, but a lot has happened in those three and a half years; as in, I'm three and a half years older.
That was a lot of halves.
There was a time when I was obsessed with gymnastics. I took lessons for a few years, starting at age 6 or 7 until I was asked politely about not coming to the classes since my mom stopped paying; around the age of 12.
That didn't stop me from flailing my body around trying new moves on the grass, carpet, couches, off the side of the pool, etc. for many years after that. Nadia Comaneci was my shero.
Good news, I just checked and I can still do a cartwheel.
Bad news, my window of Olympic stardom has closed.
I love the phrase 'fart-wheel' because I still have a sense of humor like a 12-year-old.
Raise your hand if you can do a cartwheel.
Raise both if fart-wheel made you laugh.
A few posts back I was complaining (shocker) about the overuse of exclamation points. I believe I might have scared (or scarred) a few of you thinking that you overuse them too. You don't. I'm sure this post will make me sound b*tchy, but please don't hate me.
And I had to add them to the title too because I'm wearing my sassy pants today. This is what I was talking about, I copied these from the Facebook: Happy Birthday Becky!!!! The big 21!!! I just still can’t believe my baby is 21!! Hope you have a wonderful day!!! You are such a beautiful young woman, You are kind, helpful, so very caring to everyone!! I’m so very proud to be your Mom! All your accomplishments, all your hard work, so much ahead for you!! I can’t believe you are almost a senior in College!! Love you!!! I miss my Harley! Only gone 6 months but I think of her every day! She may have saved our lives! RIP Harley! If you had to purchase exclamation points, these peeps would be BROKE.
There is a time and a place for everything though: Punctuation saves lives: there’s a meaningful difference between ‘Duck’ and ‘Duck!’ But, much like the little boy who cried wolf:
"There is really only one rule when it comes to the exclamation mark: don’t use it. This is an exaggeration of course! In fact, rare usage is the point: the Chicago Manual of Style says the exclamation mark ‘should be used sparingly to be effective.’"
Did you know that September 24th is National Punctuation Day? Me neither, we should celebrate with a margarita though.
That's it for my complaints today.
Wait, I take it back, I'm gonna complain about myself. Yesterday marked FOUR weeks that I started with my flu symptoms. The cough hasn't left me. It slowed down a bit, but it refuses to vacate my body. Guess how I was feeling yesterday? C*R*A*P*P*Y I coughed/choked most of the night. Am I having a relapse? Is it the common cold? Dr. Suz also wonders if it's a sinus infection. Don't even mention the C-word that I'm sick of hearing. *dusting off my shank* I'm sure I'll live, but I'm ready to feel healthy again. I mean, I'm ready to feel healthy AGAIN!! I'm far from being an English major. More like a grammar minor? Nevermind, I'm over 21. Does it bother you when I change fonts? Or when I use italics? How about when I refer to Facebook as The Facebook? I used to be guilty of using too many ellipses... Now....I'm trying to wean myself from them... .....it's difficult because they are so addicting...
Anything you feel the need to get off your chest today? I'm also talking to YOU way in the back who never comments; I know you have something to say.
*Suz coughs* Random person: Do you have the coronavirus? If one more person asks me if I have the virus, I'm gonna shank them.
I was thinking the other day how people don't make their own clothes anymore. When I was a kid, most if not all my clothes were homemade. My Grandma (the cigarette feeding one) and my Mom made them for me. Was it to save money? Was it because the stores didn't sell cute clothes? Or was it just the norm in the '60s and '70s?
I recall my G'ma had her sewing machine set up 24/7 in the Florida room of her Miami Springs house. Sue, you need a new dress? Go pick out some fabric and I'll whip up a dress for you.
Wam, bam, thank you Gram. *I just made myself LOL*
Dress made by my Mom, Bev. I believe I was trying to flip off the photographer.
I remember being around 12 and my Mom's BFF Connie whipped up some pants for her daughters Jodie, Mary and I in her makeshift sewing room. Sue, what color do you want? I chose purple because I felt like royalty. *There I go again, LOL-ing at myself*
I remember the pants were considered 'elephant pants' at the time. Do you remember those? Wide-legged?
I felt really cool going to school the next day with my new pants.
Then I felt really hot at recess because they were not breathable and I live in Florida. Also, I wasn't able to stand near my mom and her ciggies because polyester is very flammable.
But hey, I had new pants; I was hot. *I did it again.*
I have no direction today...just feeling kind of nostalgic for some reason.
Menopause? PMS? Old age? I'll pay a million dollars cents to anyone who can figure out what's happening in my head.
***If I were a country singer, my name would be MiRANDOM Lambert***
The Coach's Mom made most of his clothes too as a kid. She was a professional seamstress, so that makes a lot of sense.
I can sew on a button, mend a blown-out crotch, and other minor things, but I can't create a piece of clothing.
You do realize the blown-out crotch isn't a medical thing, but a clothing thing. Right?
Lolo loves to sew and learned a lot while sitting on her Grandma's (Coach's mom) lap. She has several sewing machines and just taught herself how to do hand embroidery.
OMG. I just remembered that my Mom used to embroider too. No wonder she didn't have time to make us a proper meal, she was crafting! Thank goodness we didn't have the internet when I was a kid or I might still be wearing diapers.
If Bev were alive, she would LOL at that one.
I know I have a bajillion pics of me somewhere wearing some of the cute outfits that were homemade, but can I find them when I need them? hells no.
But I did find my very first topless pic; apparently, we were out of fabric this week.
So, when I was in elementary school, it was too daunting for me to write out Suzanne.
I recall my Dad calling me Sue all the time. It must have been daunting for him too.
So, I went by Sue.
Now, I go by Cookie.
Just kidding.
Unless you think Cookie will stick because I really like it.
The other night while cooking dinner, (the chores!) the TV was tuned to the USA channel and Chrisley Knows Best was on; from out of nowhere I heard Todd say to one of his kids: "C'mon Gravel Gertie."
I stopped what I was doing and said to the dogs who were watching my every move:
WHAT the Franklin D. Roosevelt did he SAY?
This was a phrase my Grandma used to say to me often as a kid and I remember asking her What is a Gravel Gertie?
She explained to me that Gertie was a lady she used to see when she was a kid; Gravel Gertie was homeless and was always a mess, having spent her life in the gravel on the side of the road.
I assumed the ladies' name was Gertie and that there was only ONE Gravel Gertie. Was I related to the Chrisleys? Do they know my Grandma too?
After researching, it turns out, she was a character in a Dick Tracey story.
Todd Chrisley blew my childhood memories away because I thought {for 52 years} that Gertie was someone my G'ma knew personally.
{I know the Chrisley show is dumb & contrived, but that's what's need when slaving in the kitchen}
Now, I'm wondering what other lies my Grandma told me that I've been believing for all my days.
I mean, she proudly fed me cigarettes for breakfast. Will my face stay like that? Will I blow bubbles out of my butt from swallowing gum? Is that mole on the back of my neck really my sweet spot?
Surely, she wasn't lying when she told me I was her favorite, I mean, that's pretty easy to believe.
Me and my lying Grandma at her 90th birthday party.
Well, shucks. I do miss her terribly; she was always so happy to see me. And she was my favorite. She lived until the ripe old age of 96 being healthy until the last few months of her life. Her birthday is this week; March 4th and she would be 107; which would really piss her off. She used to tell me that people should NOT live 'this long' and it's terrible when everyone you know is dead.
Also, she had no filter.
