February 03, 2010

Seeing like a cat; falling like a blind cat.

I have always prided myself on my great eyesight.

*LIAR*LIAR* Pants on fire!

OK, I used to pride myself on my good eyesight. It checked out of Casa De’ Suz exactly 3 weeks before my 40th birthday.

BUT, I do have great eyesight inSiDe MY house. Really.

I never put on the lights in the middle of the night when I awake for a potty trip or a drink of water.

Lights are for sissies.

I don’t need no stinkin’ lights I tell ya’.

Just like the cats, I could make my way around the house.



While I don’t need lights to see, I do need someone to remind me when I have moved something a mere 3 hours prior to my nightly adventure.

The other night, I turned my nose upward at the bounty of light switches and blindly walked down the hallway.

But I could not ignore the rolls of fabric and miscellaneous stuff that I pulled out of the hall closet earlier.

I forgot about that part of my day until I was mid-air… falling down on my front side!

Perhaps the ugliest swan dive you have ever seen...


Did you know that you can bruise your, um, your lady lumps?

I landed flat on my lady parts, and my left hand/arm.

I don’t know where my right (and stronger) arm was. Maybe it was in shock that I/we were falling?


(Yes 2 days in a row now with the lady parts talk!)

I am just so happy that no one (besides the shocked cats) saw or heard this little stunt.

I started to chuckle at the sight of myself, sprawled out on the floor.

So pretty. So classy. Demure. So full of Grace.

Lesson learned: Start wasting electricity. It can save my life.


My Shadow Ozzie heard me taking pictures…

I can read his mind, he was saying:

You better move that stuff “Grace”, you will trip eventually!

If he only knew…


  1. Be careful! Poor Ozzie is like "oh Mama, you gonna fall again?"

  2. You have me rolling in laughter Suzanne! I think maybe you should at least invest in some night lights!!! Isn't it funny that when we fall, rather than worry about what we've hurt, we first worry about if anyone saw us???!!!

  3. made me laugh. Glad you weren't seriously hurt! I hate rude awakenings in the dark...especially when landing on those lady lumps! :-)

  4. My tree hugger friend,
    Yes,please start wasting electricity!
    Would not want you to injure your "lady parts"
    Never thought you could do that!!!
    Heres the good part....If they were silicone,then they would be busted!
    You made me laugh!!!

  5. That's what night lights are for! We have them all over our house. : ) We didn't have any until I got pg and then the constant middle of the night trips to you-know-where kept me turning on lights and blinding myself. So night lights it is. And as my husband says... "you can land a plane in here". Well I think that's better than landing on your lady parts! : )

  6. You poor thing :(

    Yet, even in the midst of your "pain" you make me laugh! You are such a trooper! :)

  7. Ouch! I feel your pain sort of! I tried the same trick in my son's house the night before last and ran face first into a wall full of pictures. Two fell and the glass broke. The good news is my lady parts were not damaged in the least. Hope yours are feeling better.

    Ozzie looks annoyed in that picture lol.

  8. It's not easy being green (or black and blue from falling)! "Lady parts" - I hadn't heard that one. You are so funny. XO

  9. Holy Cow Girl.... Get out the buttermilk!!!! Isn't that a cure-all to "Lady-Lump-Pain"??????

    I'm surprised you didn't arouse EVERYONE in the house when you took your swan dive... Don't you have that beautiful dive on a security camera somewhere??? Inquiring minds want to see that dainty fall!!!!!

    I had perfect eyesight until I turned 43... That is when I started needing reading glasses... What a bummer... AND -- I will admit that the older I get, the more lights I need to turn on (even in the daytime). ha

    Hope you are not in too much pain today!!!

  10. Ha! I'm also "graceful" like that. My eyesight is exactly the same in the darkness or the light... I can't see a blasted thing unless I put on my glasses!

  11. we have "night lights" everywhere! it's pretty much a nightly ritual to go around and make sure all the night lights are plugged in!

  12. Aaaah, Suz, Suz, Suz. If you only knew how much we have in common. Scary actually. I have been “accident” prone all my life. I personally believe it is the fault of others, but Ed likes to say that I lack “situational awareness.”

    I am 5’9” and have a size 7 ½ foot, which is apparently way too small for my height & size. My doc once told me long ago that I’d always have balance and feet issues because they are too small for my body.

    So, I blame it on small feet, not lack of situational awareness. If only those small feet were also dainty, but oh no, they had to be wide and pudgy as well. Thanks be to God of Feet!

    I’m glad you’re not seriously injured since I’m not sure buttermilk would have taken care of anything more than lady lump bruises. Thanks be to the God of Lady Lumps, for they act as safety cushions, you know, for those time one fails to turn on a light.

    My absolute favorite part of this whole post? Handsome, gentle Ozzie’s quizzical expression,

    “Huh? What the French Toast is Mum up to now???”

  13. Where did you even come up with the notion that you didn't need no stinkin' lights in the first place?

  14. Two word.
    Night lights.

  15. This is so strange--I am just like you--I take pride in my ability to navigate through my home in the dark. I suppose I should learn a lesson from you before I learn it the hard way!

    I hope you recover quickly.

  16. Sorry to hear about your tumble, although you did manage to make the story entertaining (at least for those of us who didn't do the swan dive). I hope your aches and pains are now gone.

  17. Yes, I suggest flipping the switch. Your "lady parts" will thank you

  18. omg, you are too funny!
    your poor lady parts, ouch!

  19. lmao pleease be careful- falling CAN be dangerous. that's how i broke me humorous at work... i FELL. ahhhhhhhhhh i wish my lady parts would of jumped in to save my arm... but noooooooooo they just hid behind me armpits and hung down my back like the cowards they are. next thing i knew, i was face down on the floor with my left arm all twisted, sister, only to hear the 2bitches laughing their asses off at my blunder. if i could of moved my left arm, i would have slapped them both. they have been so rude lately.
    so please be careful. since your girls are bruised and sore now i bet the lil bitches just covered their eyes as you went down rather than puttin their hands out to protect you... hence the bruisin from them punching their own lights out when you hit.

    boobs. they just can't be trusted.


    they will always put themselves first.


  20. I'm torn between sympathizing with your pain and laughing at your description of HOW it came to pass.

    You don't really have to turn the lights on at night - you could just keep the walkways and stairways clear of debris.

    I have these little l.e.d. nightlights that use almost no electricity and light things all over my house. Lowes. Home Depot. Probably Walmart. Just sayin;. ;)

  21. Oh no....not a bruised hoo haw. I'm so sorry! I am forever falling over our weiner dog...he's kind of a stealth weiner dog. Cute post Suz!

  22. From one tripper to another, yes, I did know that you could bruise your lady lumps. You can also bruise your bits and pieces. Did you know that?

  23. There once was a lady named Suz
    Who thought she had nothing to lose
    She tripped on some tubes
    And fell on her boobs
    And now has a nasty bruise

  24. Ouch! Sadly I did know you can brusie your ummm lady lumps! lol And it amazes me how much falling down hurts more now then it used to? Can't be cause I'm geting old. Nope.

  25. I think I can do better

    A Florida blogger named Suz
    A walk in the dark she would choose
    A trip down the hall
    Would cause her to fall
    And lady parts really do bruise!

  26. *stifles giggles*

    well, you can only bruise what you have... now you have napolitan ice cream in your bra! woo! :-D

    I love the last pic!

  27. Ouch! Better get some more buttermilk...

    Monday night I slipped on the ice and fell in the parking lot of the custard shop. As I'm sprawled on my back next to our SUV, I could see Hubs looking all around for me. He was already in the car. I did not spill a drop of my custard! =)

  28. Demure : )

    You are so funny.

    And SO classy.

    With a capital K : )

  29. SUZ OH NO!!!!!!!! You do hear that a lot of emergency room visits are because of accidents around the house....
    BIG hugs to your cute doggy :)

  30. I'm thinking of the beginning of the old, old, old Dick Van Dyke show.

    Hope those lady bumps are back to feeling perky soon!

  31. "lady parts" :::rolling eyes and laughing::: You are so funny!

  32. I am so famous for doing that. The nite lites do help alot!

  33. That's funny, my pets call me "Grace" as well! Perhaps it's a term of endearment;)


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