December 02, 2019

B*tch Champagne

The Dom story from Thanksgiving. 

{Lindsay who enjoys Dom and isn't a b*tch}

Many years ago (5?6?) while the Coach was coaching girls travel fastpitch softball we were very friendly with a family of the girls that he coached. (3 daughters, who played at different times for him) I liked the family, but they were a bit on the 'loud, in your face' kind of people. The girls were very sweet though and the Coach just loved them.
While at a travel weeklong tournament in Orlando, the mom of this family was having a birthday. My husband, ever the generous and thoughtful person purchased a bottle of Dom Perignon for her to enjoy that week at her rental house for her birthday.
Well, during that tournament, both the Mom and Dad of that family were irritated with Coach because of something minor....I don't recall exactly, but he wasn't 'playing' the girls as much as the parents wanted them to be played. And they were pissed. They caused a scene and you would've thought their life was over.
So, after the tournament week was done and everyone was packing up to leave The Coach went into their rental house to retrieve something of his and saw that the family had already departed.
He noticed the bottle of Dom Perignon sitting on the counter. *well, damn*
They were just going to leave it for the cleaning lady because they were so mad about the stupid softball game; I'm sure he spent over a hundred bucks on the bottle.
The Coach brought it home and we aptly named the bottle "The b*tch champagne."
I'm not a champagne drinker, so it sat in our beverage fridge in the theater/pool room for years.
I knew a special occasion would come and I could open and share it with people who appreciated Dom.
But then I never opened it and Hurrican Irma came and left. That champagne sat in the fridge when the power went out for over a week.
I just knew it wasn't going to be any good.
My Aunt mentioned to me a few days before Thanksgiving how much she loved the bottle of Dom that someone gave to them for their 50th anniversary a few years ago.
I said: "I have a bottle in the fridge, let's open it up on Thanksgiving and see if it's any good. Surely it's gonna be rancid."
Lo and behold, I opened it and it was perfect. Apparently b*tch champagne can handle severe temperature changes. Everyone loved it. Well, almost everyone.
I had half a glass and felt loopy. Back to the grapes for me. :)

It was funny and made me think of all the people over the years who would get so angry, or lose their actual minds over their kids sports and participation. Sometimes we run into these parents now and I want to ask: SO, how is your daughter doing in her professional softball career? Because there is no way you were that passionate about it unless she was going to be so successful that you could retire and live off her riches for eternity.

People need to relax. Don't stress everything your kids do or don't do and enjoy a damn gift when someone gives you one.

Now, on to the festivities and enjoying Christmas cheer.


  1. Hilarious! People are crazy. The parents of Curly's friends got mad at the parents of Curly's other friends over drafting girls to a softball team. I totally think this dad was ridiculous leaving this girl off of his non-travel, rec-league team. They are 11 yrs old. Let them play with friends and have fun. Anyway the not-drafted fam has sort of severed ties over it and will not invite the innocent little girl whose dad will only draft super stars to his team over to play. That just does not register with Coach and I. At all. Totally weird. (Fyi the You-can't-play-with-her-anymore mom is the same mom who shrugged at the Halloween party and was all 'oh self published books don't really sell', dream crusher that she is). Glad some people enjoyed the Dom (almost called it Don' bc I am THAT clueless). I am not much for the bubbly myself.

    1. Rec leagues are for everyone!! That mom left a bad taste in my mouth from your Halloween party; she's a piece of work.

  2. I love this!!! And yes, people are so ridiculous over sports. Your husband must have put up with a lot of stupid stuff over the years!

  3. Bruce Willis12/4/19, 6:27 AM

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  4. Haha. I got that Bruce Willis comment too. Guess they thought we'd fall for that. Anyway sounds like the Dom came to a great end - silly parents.

  5. Crazy how those parents acted toward Coach. When I met John, he umpired Little League and parents and grandparents would get livid at some calls. Talk about setting a bad example! I look thru FB now at some of the kids John umpired....nobody is a prof. ball player!!!!! lol


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