I find older men distinguished.

Is 44 considered older? Maybe. If you are 20. Which I used to be.

Coach, circa 1971.

Who knew that way back in 1985, we would still be celebrating birthdays together??

The Love birds. Circa 1985. This was Halloween; we just started dating in September. Your Mom took this picture. I can only imagine what she thought about me: HOOKER? French maid???

Of course, back then we did not have a clue what was ahead of us. All good. Mostly Good. Ok, mostly ALL good.

For the big 44, I have got you some great gifts to commemorate the day.

Oh, and don’t stress about the money. I’ve finally after 6 weeks of playing won the lottery!!!

Not enough for you to retire…yet, but a nice little purse full of moolah for the man himself. Well, I mean for me to buy the man himself some gifts. You know how I am such a brilliant shopper and all!!!!

First of all I will traded in your pick up truck and get you a new less stained, less dented model:

It has that new car smell, not the new athlete smell.

It is all ready to go, I even put in a nice rubber mat in the bed so all your softball equipment won’t roll around.

And for the work days, this will make your commute much nicer. Don’t you think?

It is deluxe, right down to the built in refrigerator. You know, so you can keep your beef jerky fresh raspberry tea cold.

This could possibly be your favorite gift of all:

The Dolphins will win the super bowl this year!!!!! Yes, it is a miracle.

I have arranged for a helicopter to drop us and 34 2 of our closest friends right at the stadium in Tampa. VIP all the way baby!!!!

And also, I called all the world leaders the powers that be, and we will have this flippin’ economy booming in a week or two. Get that manufacturing plant full of employees again, we will be rolling in the dough work!!!!

I took the liberty to move mountains hypnotize all the softball parents prior to our season starting. They WILL all act properly this year. They will all see beyond their own daughter and actually THINK OF THE TEAM AS A WHOLE, and not just ONE kid . Yep, no more whining 40 year old Dads!!!! No more threatening of your life!!!

WOOHOOO!!

It will actually BE FUN this year!!

I know, this is amazing. And some thought the parting the red seas was a miracle????

And of course, the year would not be complete without the best gift ever. And this one I can actually PROMISE to you: The undying, unfaltering love of your wife and the two cutest teenager daughters in the world. That is a given.

Everything else is just icing on the cake of life!!!!

Speaking of cake? I am assuming you still love Carvel??????

Happy Birthday Baby!!!!