Cartwheel----Fart-wheel

One of my soul sisters (Kelly) sent me this video the other day.
We do that, send each other random videos or pics, umm, randomly when we come across them in our phone.

My response was: "No wonder I didn't make the Olympic team, my legs are far from straight."
But I did stick the landing.

This was from my 49th birthday, where we spent a relaxing week on Fort Myers beach.

Oh, to be 49 again.
I know it was only three and a half years ago, but a lot has happened in those three and a half years; as in, I'm three and a half years older.

That was a lot of halves.

There was a time when I was obsessed with gymnastics. I took lessons for a few years, starting at age 6 or 7 until I was asked politely about not coming to the classes since my mom stopped paying; around the age of 12.
That didn't stop me from flailing my body around trying new moves on the grass, carpet, couches, off the side of the pool, etc. for many years after that.
Nadia Comaneci was my shero.

Good news, I just checked and I can still do a cartwheel.
Bad news, my window of Olympic stardom has closed.

I love the phrase 'fart-wheel' because I still have a sense of humor like a 12-year-old.

Raise your hand if you can do a cartwheel.
Raise both if fart-wheel made you laugh.


XO

The one where I complain about overly excited people!!

A few posts back I was complaining (shocker) about the overuse of exclamation points. I believe I might have scared (or scarred) a few of you thinking that you overuse them too.
You don't.
I'm sure this post will make me sound b*tchy, but please don't hate me. 

And I had to add them to the title too because I'm wearing my sassy pants today.

This is what I was talking about, I copied these from the Facebook:

Happy Birthday Becky!!!! The big 21!!!
I just still can’t believe my baby is 21!!
Hope you have a wonderful day!!! 
You are such a beautiful young woman, 
You are kind, helpful, so very caring to everyone!! I’m so very proud to be your Mom! All your accomplishments, all your hard work, so much ahead for you!! I can’t believe you are almost a senior in College!! Love you!!!


I miss my Harley! Only gone 6 months but I think of her every day!
She may have saved our lives! 
RIP Harley!

If you had to purchase exclamation points, these peeps would be BROKE. 

There is a time and a place for everything though:

Punctuation saves lives: there’s a meaningful difference between ‘Duck’ and ‘Duck!’

But, much like the little boy who cried wolf:

"There is really only one rule when it comes to the exclamation mark: don’t use it. This is an exaggeration of course! In fact, rare usage is the point: the Chicago Manual of Style says the exclamation mark ‘should be used sparingly to be effective.’"

Did you know that September 24th is National Punctuation Day? 
Me neither, we should celebrate with a margarita though. 

That's it for my complaints today. 

Wait, I take it back, I'm gonna complain about myself. 
Yesterday marked FOUR weeks that I started with my flu symptoms. 
The cough hasn't left me. It slowed down a bit, but it refuses to vacate my body.
Guess how I was feeling yesterday? 
C*R*A*P*P*Y
I coughed/choked most of the night. Am I having a relapse? Is it the common cold? 
Dr. Suz also wonders if it's a sinus infection. 
Don't even mention the C-word that I'm sick of hearing. *dusting off my shank*

I'm sure I'll live, but I'm ready to feel healthy again. 
I mean, I'm ready to feel healthy AGAIN!!

I'm far from being an English major. More like a grammar minor? 
Nevermind, I'm over 21. 
Does it bother you when I change fonts? Or when I use italics? How about when I refer to Facebook as The Facebook? 
I used to be guilty of using too many ellipses...
Now....I'm trying to wean myself from them...
.....it's difficult because they are so addicting...

Anything you feel the need to get off your chest today?  
I'm also talking to YOU way in the back who never comments; I know you have something to say. 

Random thoughts on shanking, sewing, clothes, and how I used to go by the name Sue

*Suz coughs*
Random person: Do you have the coronavirus?

If one more person asks me if I have the virus, I'm gonna shank them. 


I was thinking the other day how people don't make their own clothes anymore. When I was a kid, most if not all my clothes were homemade. My Grandma (the cigarette feeding one) and my Mom made them for me. Was it to save money? Was it because the stores didn't sell cute clothes? 
Or was it just the norm in the '60s and '70s?

I recall my G'ma had her sewing machine set up 24/7 in the Florida room of her Miami Springs house. Sue, you need a new dress? Go pick out some fabric and I'll whip up a dress for you.
Wam, bam, thank you Gram.
*I just made myself LOL*

Dress made by my Mom, Bev. I believe I was trying to flip off the photographer. 

I remember being around 12 and my Mom's BFF Connie whipped up some pants for her daughters Jodie, Mary and I in her makeshift sewing room. Sue, what color do you want? I chose purple because I felt like royalty.
*There I go again, LOL-ing at myself* 
I remember the pants were considered 'elephant pants' at the time. Do you remember those? Wide-legged?
I felt really cool going to school the next day with my new pants.
Then I felt really hot at recess because they were not breathable and I live in Florida. Also, I wasn't able to stand near my mom and her ciggies because polyester is very flammable.
But hey, I had new pants; I was hot.
*I did it again.*

I have no direction today...just feeling kind of nostalgic for some reason.
Menopause? PMS? Old age? I'll pay a million dollars cents to anyone who can figure out what's happening in my head.

***If I were a country singer, my name would be MiRANDOM Lambert***

The Coach's Mom made most of his clothes too as a kid. She was a professional seamstress, so that makes a lot of sense.
I can sew on a button, mend a blown-out crotch, and other minor things, but I can't create a piece of clothing.
You do realize the blown-out crotch isn't a medical thing, but a clothing thing. Right?

Lolo loves to sew and learned a lot while sitting on her Grandma's (Coach's mom) lap. She has several sewing machines and just taught herself how to do hand embroidery.

OMG. I just remembered that my Mom used to embroider too. No wonder she didn't have time to make us a proper meal, she was crafting! Thank goodness we didn't have the internet when I was a kid or I might still be wearing diapers.

If Bev were alive, she would LOL at that one.

I know I have a bajillion pics of me somewhere wearing some of the cute outfits that were homemade, but can I find them when I need them? hells no.

But I did find my very first topless pic; apparently, we were out of fabric this week.

So, when I was in elementary school, it was too daunting for me to write out Suzanne.
I recall my Dad calling me Sue all the time. It must have been daunting for him too.
So, I went by Sue.
Now, I go by Cookie.
Just kidding.
Unless you think Cookie will stick because I really like it.

XOXO

Gravel Gertie and other lies

The other night while cooking dinner, (the chores!) the TV was tuned to the USA channel and Chrisley Knows Best was on; from out of nowhere I heard Todd say to one of his kids:
"C'mon Gravel Gertie."
I stopped what I was doing and said to the dogs who were watching my every move:

WHAT the Franklin D. Roosevelt did he SAY?

This was a phrase my Grandma used to say to me often as a kid and I remember asking her What is a Gravel Gertie?
She explained to me that Gertie was a lady she used to see when she was a kid; Gravel Gertie was homeless and was always a mess, having spent her life in the gravel on the side of the road.
I assumed the ladies' name was Gertie and that there was only ONE Gravel Gertie. 
Was I related to the Chrisleys? Do they know my Grandma too?

After researching, it turns out, she was a character in a Dick Tracey story.
Todd Chrisley blew my childhood memories away because I thought {for 52 years} that Gertie was someone my G'ma knew personally.

{I know the Chrisley show is dumb  & contrived, but that's what's need when slaving in the kitchen}

Now, I'm wondering what other lies my Grandma told me that I've been believing for all my days.
I mean, she proudly fed me cigarettes for breakfast. 
Will my face stay like that? 
Will I blow bubbles out of my butt from swallowing gum? 
Is that mole on the back of my neck really my sweet spot? 

Surely, she wasn't lying when she told me I was her favorite, I mean, that's pretty easy to believe.

Me and my lying Grandma at her 90th birthday party. 

Well, shucks. I do miss her terribly; she was always so happy to see me. And she was my favorite. She lived until the ripe old age of 96 being healthy until the last few months of her life. Her birthday is this week; March 4th and she would be 107; which would really piss her off. She used to tell me that people should NOT live 'this long' and it's terrible when everyone you know is dead.
Also, she had no filter.

Has anyone else heard of Gravel Gertie?